Tag Archives: Twitter

Match.com Mistakes – Part 1

22 May

It’s time that I finally tackle this topic.  I feel the need to point out a few of the silly (read: dumb) things that people do in their match.com profile…

First of all (and probably most importantly,) under no circumstance should you say “I’ve never tried online dating before.”

1.) Once you post that profile, it’s a lie.  Congratualations, you’ve tried online dating.  Big whoop. (Oh, and by the way, you posted that line 3 years ago, and I know that because I’ve been here 5 years, and you’ve winked at me 38 times.)

2.) No one cares.  Do you think you’re cool because you’ve made it 36 years without having to “resort” to match.com?  Well thanks for insulting the rest of us.

3.) Thanks for pointing out the obvious…because it’s clear that you’re not very good at it.

4.) You’re a little late to jump on this bandwagon.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Google, Meetup, Yelp, etc…look buddy, the entire world is online, so by telling me that you’re just getting on board, you’re basically screaming that you’re “a little slow.”

Secondly, can we maybe put a bit of effort into this profile?  Do you have any idea how many profiles that say, “Gee, I just don’t know what to say here…I hate talking about myself!”  REALLY?  Is that what you say when you meet a girl in person too?  “I’d love to have a conversation, but as it turns out, I have no conversation skills.  My bad.”

The third (and probably most well known,) mistake is posting bad pictures, or posting no pictures at all.

1.) Posting NO pictures and then saying, “I’m 5′ 11′, with brown hair and eyes and have been told that I’m good-looking…” Seriously?  That’s like telling a friend “I’ve got a blind date for you…she’s got a REALLY great personality!”  You’re not fooling anyone buddy.

2.)  Posting NO pictures and excusing it by saying, “I don’t have any pictures of myself.”  WOW.  In this digital age, where every waking moment of your life is documented, where every 12 year old kid has a digital camera, cell phone camera, or at the very least a Pokemon Polaroiod camera. you have not ONE picture of yourself?  You might also mention that you are a hermit who lives in his mother’s basement.

3.) The group picture.  “I’m the third from the left, two rows back, you can kind of see me if you squint…”

4.) The OLD picture.  Gosh, I can tell you update your profile a lot, I mean those acid-washed Levi’s are so hot right now, you must’ve taken that photo just a few moments ago.

5. ) The TINY picture.  I mean, do I really even have to say this?  You’d think I wouldn’t. <SIGH>

6.) The shirt-off picture.  This is by far my favorite.  What inspires someone to post a shirtless picture exactly?  I get the idea…look at me, I’m in good shape…but really?  Are you that transparent?  I mean, at least post one where you’re at the beach or something, because this camera-phone-in-the-bathroom-mirror pic is killing me.  When you meet a girl in real life, do you take your shirt off before starting a conversation?  No? Maybe you should try it, I bet you’re going to get all KINDS of ladies…(i.e. homeless ladies, bag ladies, caty-lady ladies)

As you can tell by the title, this is the first in a series of blogs dedicated to Match.com Mistakes…and believe me, there are plenty more.  I could write a book…

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Too Accessible

1 May

I’m not afraid to admit it – I’m addicted to technology.  The first thing I do in the morning is check my cell and turn on my computer.  Technology offers us all kinds of tools, an endless supply of information, and the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.  On the flip side though, technology give us the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.

Last night, I went to a comedy show with some friends, and ended up coming home a bit earlier than expected.  I get home, excited to have an hour to relax instead of getting home at some ridiculous hour on a Thursday night.  As I turned on my computer, an IM pops up, “What are you doing home?”

Oh. Right.  This guy. Another match.com-er that I told that I would give a call if I wasn’t out too late, so we could set up a date.  I really didn’t feel like dealing with it at that moment in time, so I quickly assessed the situation and realized I had a few options:

1.) Ignore the IM altogether.  Kind of rude, but it would buy me time until he asks about it next time we talk.  (Hmm…you IMed me? That’s weird, I didn’t see it…you know my computer has been acting weird lately…)

2.) Answer the IM, explain how I came home early, and that yes, it crossed my mind to call him, but I just didn’t feel like it.  Again, kind of rude, but hey, he’s the one who asked.

3.) Pretend that I got on IM specifically to talk to him, so we could set something up.  (Blatant lie, but possibly flattering for him.)

I ended up giving him a variation of option 2, but without the rudeness.  The point is though, that I felt like a teenager, crawling in the through the window at 3AM, with my dad standing there saying…where have YOU been young lady?!  (Umm….I locked myself out of my bedroom on the way to the bathroom….and I didn’t want to wake you up?)  Right.

All I’m saying is that in today’s world of text messages, phone calls, blackberries, Iphones, Instant Messenger (all 17 versions of it,) email, Twitter, Facebook, etc, if you’re ignoring someone, they know it.