Tag Archives: stand up

Sweaty Phelps

15 May

I had a date with another match.com-er this week. (…De ja vu much?  I feel like I’ve started more than a few blogs with that sentence…)

We grabbed some sushi and then hit up a comedy club to see some local acts.  Couple things to mention here:

1.) I tend to take a lot of my dates to my favorite local sushi place, where the owners me…AND my blog.  They appreciate the business and they get a kick out of all the guys that roll through.

2.) Seeing someone’s sushi etiquette and preferences always tell me a bit about them.  If they order California rolls and can’t use chop sticks to save their life, I know what I’m getting myself into.  (I know.  Kind of rude.  Not everyone has to like raw fish; however it’s kind of like a girl who doesn’t know a thing about football, right?  …And yes, I probably qualify as that girl.)

3.) Comedy clubs make for great dates – you get a feel for their sense of humor AND you always have a great time, whether or not you end up being remotely attracted to your date. **Spoiler alert: this comes in handy later that evening.

Ok, so he picked me up at my place, and the first thing I notice is that his hair is still wet.  No big deal – just an observation, I’m sure he just jumped in the shower right before he picked me up.  Totally normal.

We go to sushi, where he opens the door for me, lets me order, AND is game for sharing some hot sake.  All good things.  Dinner goes well – no major lulls in conversation – and as we’re getting ready to leave, I note that his hair still appears wet.  Hmm…odd.  He’s got a pretty full head of wavy-ish hair, so maybe it’s just taking a REALLY long time to dry.  Though that doesn’t really explain why his face seems quite shiny as well, unless his still soaking wet hair has been dripping…

We head to the comedy show, grab some cocktails and make with the small talk.  Our conversation goes well – joke joke here, joke joke there, funny aside, etc – and the time passes easily.  After awhile, I almost don’t notice the just-got-out-of-the-pool look anymore…almost being the operative word.

The first few comedians in a local lineup are generally pretty horrible, and this night was no exception.  (Telling the audience that you have to hurry because your kids are waiting in the car?  Not funny and I kind of thought I should call Child Protective Services.) It always makes for an extremely uncomfortable time, when you’re not sure who you feel worse for – the comedian or the audience.  (In this case, it’s a toss up.)  After the first few acts, the comedians get better (and/or we have a few more cocktails,) and the crowd is roaring with laughter in no time.  (In fact, I HAVE to give a shout out to this hilarious local comedian Ken Rahn – check out his site: http://kenrb.com He sang a song called, “No Reason Boner,” you CAN’T not love that.)

After the “head liners,” the comedy really starts going downhill, and we decide to jet.  I’ll be honest…even though the conversation was good, and he was a super nice guy, I just REALLY wasn’t feeling him.  In fact…I’d been eyeing one of the comedians all night, and was trying to figure out how to make a move on the sly.  (Again, kind of rude, but believe me, if you’d seen this guy, you’d understand. Stage presence AND bulging biceps?  Yes, please.)

On the way out, I stop to chat with (and compliment,) the comics, and figure that blatantly flirting is probably out of the question.  (See? I have morals.)  BUT, asking for his business card iss totally acceptable – I mean, I JUST want to help promote the guy’s comedy!

Anyhow, as he drops me off at my place, I note my date’s still-shiny face and hair are just NOT giving it up, and I bid him adieu.

Though I wouldn’t say he earned a gold medal of any kind that night, (unless Pantene Pro-V is now doling out awards,) but he did earn himself the nickname “Michael Phelps.”

**Thanks to Kevin for helping out with the nickname – without you, I’d still be calling him Babyface.