Mid-Week Meltdown: What Might Be Right For Some…

Today is the first in our series of Questions and Answers, the Mid-Week Meltdown.

Today, our question comes from a 26 yr old woman who writes to us saying:

Dear MVM,

What do you think about the 3 month rule?…as in, dating a guy, but not sleeping with him for 3 months. I’ve heard good things, but it’s hard. And I like easy. But I also like effective. Are there exceptions to this rule?

Signed,

Crazed and Confused

Dear Crazed and Confused…

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, sex is not a topic that I generally go into detail about in my blog, but I think your question is a good one and deserves answering.

In all honesty, I think the “3 month rule” is ridiculous.  But, like a famous 70’s TV show theme song once (wisely) said, “What might be right for you, might not be right for some,” and vice versa.

Let me break down why I personally disagree with this rule:

1.) Who decided that three months was the right amount of time? And when does the clock start? From the date you meet?  From the date of your first “official date?” From the moment of your first kiss?  And, for that matter, is there a waiting period for your first kiss?

2.) Dating shouldn’t be like writing a term paper – it doesn’t need a time line.

3.) In a real relationship, one person shouldn’t be holding all the power – it should be shared equally.  Withholding sex JUST to withhold sex creates an imbalance.

4.) Finally, and most importantly, sex is an important part of a healthy relationship! Sexual chemistry is something that cannot be forced or falsified.  Without knowing if this part of the relationship works, what’s the point in developing the rest of it? For example, let’s say you wait 3 months, only to find out that it’s the worst sex of your life.  Erectile dysfunction, jack-hammer syndrome, perpetual whiskey-dick, or just plain bad sex…pick your poison.  Now, not only are you stuck with a boyfriend who you don’t want to sleep with, but you’re too emotionally invested to get out without crushing his ego, as he’ll easily recognize that the only variable change is your physical relationship.

Look, I understand the theory behind the three month rule; the idea that you want to get to know someone without letting lust cloud your judgment is not foreign to me.  In no way am I saying to go “slut it up” all over town either.  Yes, you should get to know someone before getting physical with them.  Yes, you should have that awkward conversation about birth control and condoms and STD’s, while FULLY clothed, with a clear state of mind, OUTSIDE the bedroom.  However, withholding sex for some arbitrary amount of time just because someone told you that there is some magic time frame is unnecessary and senseless.

There’s no need to rush into it and there doesn’t need to be a “Go-Live” date either.  Instead of relying on a road map to make your decisions, take the time to know yourself and trust your own judgment.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.