Tag Archives: profile

Walking The Walk…

19 Oct

Often times as I’m constructing a new entry for My Vagina Monoblogs, I think to myself…”You know self, you think you’re pretty high and mighty, don’t you?  Hiding behind your lap top, (I’m a PC, by the way, but open-minded enough to give Apple a shot, for anyone so inclined to present me with a MacBook to change my mind,) entertaining the masses with your cutting remarks and witty commentary.”  (As you can see, even when thinking to myself, I take modesty very seriously.)

As I pondered this thought, I decided that if I was going to “talk the talk,” I’d better “walk the walk.” But how?  How could I prove to my audience that I’m not just as bad as all the people I critique?  Who is to say that I’m the authority on relationships?  What makes me an expert in the world of online dating?  (Other than 7 years of experience, of course…)

After careful contemplation, I came to the obvious conclusion that I am NOT the authority, and likely don’t qualify as an expert in anyone’s eyes but my own, (and maybe a few 35-year-olds who can’t even get laid as a character in World of Warcraft.)  In fact, what I AM is kind of rude – mocking these innocent men, when all they’ve done is taken an interest in me.  They put themselves out there, and in turn, I put them on blast.  These poor, unknowing, blameless fellows…

Right.

Anyway, I do feel that if I’m going to ridicule people for their dating techniques, emails, and profiles, I should at least give my readers the opportunity to ridicule me for mine.  (Or praise me for it, if you’re so inspired…)  So, here it is, in all its glory – the “About Me and Who I’m Looking For” section of my match.com profile:

About Me and Who I’m Looking For

Things I’ve learned from match. com…
1.) Every man here:
a. thinks they are honest, intelligent and/or funny…
b. “hates drama”
c. “loves to travel”
2.) If you don’t have a picture posted…there’s a very good reason for it.
3.) Winking is kind of a cop out…it’s like getting a girl’s number and then texting instead of calling.

You shouldn’t send me a message if:
1.) Your profile has less than 3 full sentences.
2.) You don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re.
3.) You don’t have any pictures posted…please see above.
4.) You don’t live within a reasonable distance. …Virginia is not reasonable, nor is India.

That being said…
I’m just all about enjoying myself and who I’m with.  I have the attention span of a 4-year old, so I’m always looking for new ways to entertain myself.  I can literally have fun anywhere – and I do. It’s not easy finding someone who can keep up.

I’m pretty much over the whole clubbing-it-three-nights-a-week scene, but I definitely still go out with my friends.  I’m anything but a home-body. I’m down for going out anywhere that I don’t have to scream to have a conversation: “HI! YOUR NAME IS WHAT? MOE? No? BEAU? Ohhh…JOE! HI, NICE TO MEE…WHAT?? YOU WANT TO FIND A SINK? …OH! BUY ME A DRINK?” …doesn’t really seem very efficient to me.  I do love to get all dressed up though, so I’ll take any excuse to do that.

I’m a pretty outspoken person and I don’t apologize for who I am, (not that I need to!)  I can be kind of (read: really) sarcastic and some might even say abrasive…personally, I’d say that I just call it like it is.

I laugh at myself A LOT.  I’m not a stress-case; I take things in stride.  I don’t really see the point in getting upset over the little things…and most times, not the big things either.

As far as who I want to date…well, everyone has a right to be picky.  I’m into guys who can have a great time anywhere they are.  Humor is a given, I like to be around people who can crack me up – and laugh at themselves in the process.  I can be a big goofball, so you’ll definitely need to be able to laugh with me and often times AT me.

I like confident people, who value themselves…because if YOU don’t, well then…why would I bother?  Intelligent conversation is generally a priority – as opposed to mindless banter.  Don’t get me wrong, I love banter, as long as there’s something a bit more substantial to back it up.  Most importantly, I like a guy with a great attitude about life. I’m a really positive person, (almost to a fault!) so I’m not into Negative Ned or Debbie Downer (and yea…I really just said that.)

Also, I am a traditionalist with men; over-sensitivity is NOT my style…I’m not into guys who cry more than I do.

I like a guy’s guy, who isn’t afraid to make the first move and doesn’t think chivalry is dead — not that I need someone to take care of me, but it’s nice to be with someone who wants to.

An active lifestyle is very important to me – I’m not saying I won’t date a guy without a 6-pack and a track record of 1st place marathon wins, but I am saying that I’m only interested in people who like to be active and enjoy being outdoors.

As far as “relationships” are concerned…I’m not a subscriber to the theory that I need someone to complete me…I’m quite complete actually.  And my ideal “match” is someone who feels the same way.

In any case, I’m not someone who jumps into “serious relationships;” I’m just looking to meet people who want to have fun and see what happens from there.

Wow, that was lengthy…if you finished, I’m impressed. (That’s what she said.)

So…there you have it.  This is my little way to show you that I’m willing to “walk the walk.”  I hope you agree that I present myself to potential matches just the same as I convey myself here…honestly.

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A Word of Advice

6 Jul

This weekend, I got an email on match.com that got under my skin a bit.  Being the quiet, reserved person that I am, I decided to let it go and simply not respond…

Right.

Here’s the email I received:

Subject Line: hey there…we look compatable   (and yes, it was spelled incorrectly, thank you for noticing.)

Message Body: “Hello . . . this is my first time emailing these ad’s, but I heard there are some really cool chicks here!

Well, a little about me; I am an outgoing person ( love to always be doing new things), very easy to talk to and a good listener. I am not phony! physically i am – 6ft, 185, clean cut hair/ clean too, no tattoos, and in shape! you should be = a cool laid back chick with no drama or negativity, reliable and direct personality, and age between 18-25. physically i am not looking for a model, just be normal body weight. i am not creepy, please be the same. looking forward to hearing from you soon 🙂

I just couldn’t resist…here is my response:

Subject Line: A word of advice

Message Body: Since that was your “first email,” let me give you a few tips:

1.) Read the person’s profile who you are emailing. If you had, you’d know that I do not fit into your 18-25 age range.
2.) Do not copy and paste the same email to more than one person. It’s very clear that you’re doing just that.
3.) This is not an ad in the paper, don’t write things like “me = this” and “you = that.” You sound like you’re looking for a roommate on Craigslist.
4.) Two words: Spell check.

That being said, we’re obviously not a good match. (I watch fake reality TV shows, which you’d know, had you read my profile.)

Good luck buddy.

(Sidebar: He says in his profile that he doesn’t like girls who “watch fake reality TV shows.”)

I know, I know – a little harsh.  But, hey, at least I gave the guy some pointers!

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.