Tag Archives: nesting

Nesting…it’s not okay.

10 Jun

You know, women always get a bad rap for being the ones who get “attached” first in a relationship.  You’ve seen Wedding Crashers, I’m sure you recall the “Stage 5, Clinger.” Well, I’d like to speak out for women (not that this is different than any other day, mind you,) and say that men are equally guilty of the same crime.

As some of you may know, I’ve been seeing a lot of a certain someone recently, and have been skimping on first-dates.  (You can’t blame me; the man has a body like Zeus and wears a uniform to boot.  Ladies, you KNOW what they say about men in uniform…)

Anyhow, he’s been tip-toeing around the “inner circle” for awhile, and this weekend I let him slip in, (yes, I realize what that sounds like, let the “That’s What She Said” jokes rain down…) by meeting a few of my friends.  I even had a small dinner party Monday night that ended up being a bit of a double date.  Things went…okay, but I don’t think I’ll be letting him any further into my world… Let’s just say that he didn’t exactly “wow” anyone with his grace or charm.  (i.e. showing up with Hotel For Dogs as a movie pick and apparently being totally serious about watching it.)

Tuesday evening I spent some time tidying up the house and mulling over the idea of “phasing him out.”  As I was doing so, I ran across a canister of shaving cream.  …Men’s shaving cream.  Okay…I thought, that could have been an accident.  One little bottle of shaving cream.  No big deal.

I shook it off and was gathering laundry around my room when I noticed a T-shirt.  A man’s t-shirt.  Alright…maybe he was in a hurry when he left…

Then, as I moved into the living room, I saw his motorcycle helmet, and froze like a deer in headlights.  The extra helmet he generally keeps on his motorcycle for me (or whomever might be riding on the back of his bike,) was sitting on the end of the couch, staring me in the face.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

After my momentary lapse in the space-time continuum, I realized that this meant the beginning of the end for us.  It was as if the helmet was saying, “It’s okay, I’m just here waiting for the next time he comes over…and the next time…and the next time…”  <Cue scary movie music.>

If the awkward dinner party didn’t seal the deal, this nesting business surely does.  That helmet in the corner was like the nail in the coffin.

Let’s have a little lesson about assumptions.

1.) Never assume that you are seeing someone exclusively.  If you haven’t had “the talk,” dating other people is still fair game.

2.) Never assume that you can leave personal items at someone’s house – you never know who they are expecting for dinner the next day.  (Please see point 1 if you are assuming it’s you.)

3.) Never assume.  Period.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the Assumption Breakdown before, but it’s always nice to have a reminder:

Never ASSUME.  It makes an ASS of U and ME.

It really is a shame though, he had so much potential…I wonder how many push-ups he could do with me sitting on his back.

(Yes, I realize what that sounds like, let the “That’s What She Said” jokes rain down…)
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