Tag Archives: first date

The Comeback Kid…or…How MVM Got Her Groove Back

28 Feb

After a significant leave of absence from blogging about the perils of dating and the hilarity that ensues, MVM is making a comeback.

(Cue applause and cheering.)

To begin, let me answer the question I’ve been getting a lot over the past year or so – what happened to the blog?! To put it simply, it was a bit detrimental to my dating life.  I found myself writing blogs in my head before we’d finished the appetizers and going on dates for the purpose of blog fodder, but not much else.  In the few cases that something (or someone,) made it out of the Nickname stage, the writing was already on the walls… (pun intended.)

During my sabbatical, I did my fair share of dating – some of which was significant, some which was less than note-worthy, and some of which I’d plead the fifth about, if asked about in a court of law.

However, one update worth noting is that my single-girl days are a thing of the past – about 8 months past, to be exact. Having met a certain “Traveling Man” – story to come – last year, it’s unlikely you’ll see any (new) first-hand first-date stories from this monogamous blogger.

Now, now, don’t fret fair readers; just because I now get a standard “plus one” on my invites doesn’t mean that my outlook has changed.  I’m still the same biting social observer, here to bring you a unique spin on everything dating.  True to my former serial-dating self, (and conducive to the Traveling Man’s erratic cross-country work schedule,) I still manage to get myself into a healthy dose of trouble and a fair amount of surprising scenarios.

In the return of the blog, I’ll still be sharing experiences and anecdotes, doling out (sometimes harsh, sometimes hilarious,) advice, and in general, providing (what I hope to be) generally entertaining reading material for your mid-afternoon lull or the occasional “Case of the Mondays.”  There’s a whole world of material in a new relationship, and I’ve got enough single friends to inspire new content for years.

So keep your eye out each Monday, because as always, all is fair in love and blogging.


Steve The Pilot

12 Oct

I’ve been doing a bit of traveling the past month or so, (hence the lack of blogging,) and have a recommendation for anyone with an upcoming trip.

One of my favorite places to people watch has always been the airport, for a number of reasons.  Have you ever noticed that almost everyone at the airport thinks their time is more important than anyone else’s time?  (FYI to the obnoxious guy who is sighing loudly behind me while I take off my jacket and shoes at Security: if you’re THAT annoyed, you probably should have sprung the extra $100 for business class to get in on that VIP Security lane.)

Aside from silently laughing at impatient business travelers and silently cursing at screaming children, there’s also something really exciting about traveling.  You never know who you might meet in the airport or who you might sit next to on your flight.   For this reason, I always dress to impress while traveling.  Since most people dress for comfort, in their favorite hoodie and sweats, I figure my efforts are doubly effective.  Plus, the hotter you look, the more you can get away with – at the airport or otherwise.  (You can’t deny it; I’m speaking the truth.)

Need to get your seat switched to a window or skip to the front of the security line when you’re running late?  Your chances are a lot higher when you’re rocking heels and a short skirt than track pants and tennis shoes.  Hoping to get bumped to first class when you find out your flight was oversold?  It doesn’t hurt that the gate agent has a thing for tights with boots.

Think I’m being ridiculous?  Tell that to the handsome pilot I had an impromptu lunch date with on my recent 90 minute layover in Chicago.  Though I’m sure Steve the Pilot has a girl in every city he flies to, I bet none of them were wearing sweat pants and sneakers when he met them.

Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression.  So, next time you’re packing your carry-on with ear plugs and a pillow, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: Am I bringing the hotness? Steve the Pilot sure hopes so.


13 Jul

I had a another match.com first date last week that really threw me for a loop.

I’d emailed back and forth with this new guy a few times and we decided to meet up for a drink.  As part of my pre-date ritual, I generally review the guy’s profile to remind myself of his stats – what he does for a living, where he’s from, shared interests, and any other possible conversation topics.  (It’s kind of like cramming for an exam – you cram your mind full of info and then dump it all out in a 2 hour period, likely never to remember it again.)

As I clicked through his pictures, I noted how oddly familiar he looked.  I knew we hadn’t been out on a date before (or I was pretty sure of it anyway,) but he looked SO familiar that I thought maybe we’d met through friends or seen each other in passing at some point.  I figured it would come to me eventually, and so I headed out for the date.

As we shared a bottle of wine, I was going crazy trying to figure where we’d met or who it was that he looked like.  And then it hit me.  He was the spitting image of one of my high school teachers, (who, by the way, I shared a love-hate relationship with…as in, we loved to hate each other.  I think at one point I may have been marked down just for showing up to class; in turn I created posters with his face on various evil characters’ bodies.)  The point is, my Look-A-Like date could have been this guy’s twin brother.

From that point on, that’s all I could see.  I tried desperately to listen to what he was saying and be involved in the conversation, but all I could see was this teacher staring back at me, marking me down for tardiness or calling me out for my incessant chatter.  It was driving me so crazy, in fact, that I had to excuse myself to secretly post a Facebook message (via my cell phone,) on my old teacher’s Wall.

The thing is, I’m sure Look-A-Like is a nice guy.  In fact, before I made the connection, we’d had great conversation and things were going just fine.  After my epiphany however, it was all over.

As he walked me home that night, I knew I’d never go out with him again.

The next day I got a Facebook response from my teacher that said this:

“Sorry to hear that. Though ACTUALLY, I find it poetic justice if you end up really liking this guy.”

Quite fitting really.

Mid-Weeek Meltdown: Going Dutch

1 Jul
Today’s question comes to us from a 30-something women, frustrated with the dating scene:

Dear MVM,

Something struck a chord with me as I was browsing through the comments on your blog today. One of you gentleman (cough, cough) readers commented negatively on your deal breakers blog about women who expect him to pay. Why shouldn’t a man pay to be in the presence and good company of lady? I have a friend who heard this complaint on a first date, she married the fool and now she’s miserable. If a man asks me to go dutch, all bets are off and most women I know would agree. I understand when you reach relationship status there has to be an equal balance; cooking and doing nice things for him, etc. What is up with this new breed of man nowadays? Should I start meeting my dates at the library? Should I settle for a senior citizen who still has old-fashioned ways?

Who’s right and who’s wrong

Dear No-Going-Dutch Duchess,

This is a tough question to answer, but I’ll happily give you MY opinion.  Personally, I’m into traditional male/female roles.  I’m not saying I want to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but I like to be “taken care of,” so to speak.  When I get invited to dinner, I don’t EXPECT a man to pay – but I like the kind of man who WANTS to.  When the check comes, I will generally make an offer to pay, but gracefully accept if they choose not to let me.  In fact, when I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with the kind of man who will pick up the tab, I have used these exact words in our post-dinner conversation:

<The server drops off the bill at our table.>

Me: “Do you want to do that thing, where I say, ‘Here, let me pay for half,’ and then you say, ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ and then I say, ‘ No, really, I want to,’ and then you say, ‘No no, I’ll get it?’ Or can we skip all that?”

Granted, I’m a bit more aggressive than most women – but it usually gets a laugh and they end up paying the bill.

Now, for those of you who think I’m just using men for free dinners, let me also point out that I always make it a point to pay for something during the evening.  Whether it’s cocktails before or after dinner, dessert at another stop along the date, or an entrance fee into a club, I make it clear that I’m not a user.

More to your point Duchess, it’s definitely the older men who refuse to let me pay a dime.  Maybe it’s because they are more established, or maybe it’s just better manners; you’ll definitely see more chivalry with an older generation.

Again, I’m not saying I expect a man to pay on a first date.  Look at it from their perspective – they just met you, probably think you’re attractive and want to get to know you.  You may very well be interested in him, but he doesn’t know that for sure.  How many times have we, as women, cozied up to a man at a bar just to get a free drink?  (Don’t pretend like you’ve never done it…) We’ve got no intention of taking it any further than a Skyy and soda.  Of course men are jaded!  But can you blame them?

I can’t say that there’s a right or a wrong – but maybe your miserable married friend can.  My two cents?  If you, (like me,) prefer a man who WANTS to provide for a woman, then don’t settle for one who doesn’t.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Blog Overload!!!

13 May

Hey everyone!! Just a little heads up…

I’m on blog overload, with all the blogging I’m doing, I barely have time to DATE!!  From now on, I’ll be blogging Mon/Wed/Fri, instead of every day.  Don’t cry.  I’m sure you’ll live.

P.S. Went on a date last night with a guy last night who reminds me of Michael Phelpss…not because of his body type or his athletic ability, but because ALL night long, he looked as if he’d just gotten out of a pool.  I was making silent bets to myself on when his hair would dry.  It didn’t.  More to come on that front this Friday.

A Means To An End

8 May

A girlfriend of mine asked me yesterday what percentage of people that I go on first dates with, make it to a second date.  I had to sit down and think about it, and I calculated it at about 50%.  When I told her the answer, she was a bit surprised because she can usually tell after a first date if she wants to pursue something serious or not.  I think most people feel the same way.

The difference between most women’s (and probably a lot of men’s,)  and my own dating ideology is this:

Generally when you go on a date with someone, and know pretty quickly whether or not they are “marriage material.”  So, once you identify that a person doesn’t qualify…you end it.  What’s the point of continuing to date them, if it’s not going anywhere, right?  You see, to most people, dating is a means to an end. And I just don’t see it that way.  To me, dating is about the journey, not the destination. Just because I go out with someone and recognize that I wouldn’t want to spend a lifetime with them, doesn’t mean that I won’t enjoy their company over dinner, or a baseball game, or a concert.

Let’s think about it like this…99% of relationships fail, right?  I mean…ideally, only ONE relationship is supposed to work out in the end…depending on how many times you plan on getting married, and what your definition of a successful relationship is anyway.  So if we know that it’s a numbers game, why not enjoy ourselves in the process?  Why not look at every bad date, every failed relationship, every hookup, and every person we encounter as a learning experience, rather than a mistake.  The more people you date, the more you learn about yourself – what you do and don’t want in a partner.

Let me illustrate…when I go shopping, I try on a ridiculous amount of clothes.  I don’t just try on the outfits that I absolutely fall in love with on the hanger though; Ialso  try on things that might look a bit off or have a weird pattern.  Basically, it it’s the right size, I’ll try it on.  Some of my favorite dresses are those that looked a bit frumpy or weird on the hanger, but were gorgeous once I put them on.  Had I never taken a chance, I wouldn’t have known.  I tried on an outfit last week that was absolutely adorable on the hanger, but when I tried it on, it looked like 1984 had raped, pillaged, and left me for dead. The point is, I wouldn’t know that I look great in A-line dresses and horrible in peasant tops, had I never tried them out.

Dating is the same way.  The more dates I go on, the more I clearly define exactly what it is I want.  Just because someone doesn’t fit the criteria exactly doesn’t mean I can’t learn something, and have a great time all the while.

So what have I learned recently?

1.) I like motorcycles.

2.) Mixing business and pleasure isn’t as complicated as you’d think.

3.) I like someone who doesn’t let me walk all over them…well, not all the time anyway.

4.) Baby talk is unacceptable.

5.) Food is  definitely one way to man’s heart…but there’s definitely another avenue further south…and they’re not afraid to (try to) show you the way.

And that’s just the beginning…

Too Accessible

1 May

I’m not afraid to admit it – I’m addicted to technology.  The first thing I do in the morning is check my cell and turn on my computer.  Technology offers us all kinds of tools, an endless supply of information, and the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.  On the flip side though, technology give us the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.

Last night, I went to a comedy show with some friends, and ended up coming home a bit earlier than expected.  I get home, excited to have an hour to relax instead of getting home at some ridiculous hour on a Thursday night.  As I turned on my computer, an IM pops up, “What are you doing home?”

Oh. Right.  This guy. Another match.com-er that I told that I would give a call if I wasn’t out too late, so we could set up a date.  I really didn’t feel like dealing with it at that moment in time, so I quickly assessed the situation and realized I had a few options:

1.) Ignore the IM altogether.  Kind of rude, but it would buy me time until he asks about it next time we talk.  (Hmm…you IMed me? That’s weird, I didn’t see it…you know my computer has been acting weird lately…)

2.) Answer the IM, explain how I came home early, and that yes, it crossed my mind to call him, but I just didn’t feel like it.  Again, kind of rude, but hey, he’s the one who asked.

3.) Pretend that I got on IM specifically to talk to him, so we could set something up.  (Blatant lie, but possibly flattering for him.)

I ended up giving him a variation of option 2, but without the rudeness.  The point is though, that I felt like a teenager, crawling in the through the window at 3AM, with my dad standing there saying…where have YOU been young lady?!  (Umm….I locked myself out of my bedroom on the way to the bathroom….and I didn’t want to wake you up?)  Right.

All I’m saying is that in today’s world of text messages, phone calls, blackberries, Iphones, Instant Messenger (all 17 versions of it,) email, Twitter, Facebook, etc, if you’re ignoring someone, they know it.