Tag Archives: Facebook

Look-A-Like

13 Jul

I had a another match.com first date last week that really threw me for a loop.

I’d emailed back and forth with this new guy a few times and we decided to meet up for a drink.  As part of my pre-date ritual, I generally review the guy’s profile to remind myself of his stats – what he does for a living, where he’s from, shared interests, and any other possible conversation topics.  (It’s kind of like cramming for an exam – you cram your mind full of info and then dump it all out in a 2 hour period, likely never to remember it again.)

As I clicked through his pictures, I noted how oddly familiar he looked.  I knew we hadn’t been out on a date before (or I was pretty sure of it anyway,) but he looked SO familiar that I thought maybe we’d met through friends or seen each other in passing at some point.  I figured it would come to me eventually, and so I headed out for the date.

As we shared a bottle of wine, I was going crazy trying to figure where we’d met or who it was that he looked like.  And then it hit me.  He was the spitting image of one of my high school teachers, (who, by the way, I shared a love-hate relationship with…as in, we loved to hate each other.  I think at one point I may have been marked down just for showing up to class; in turn I created posters with his face on various evil characters’ bodies.)  The point is, my Look-A-Like date could have been this guy’s twin brother.

From that point on, that’s all I could see.  I tried desperately to listen to what he was saying and be involved in the conversation, but all I could see was this teacher staring back at me, marking me down for tardiness or calling me out for my incessant chatter.  It was driving me so crazy, in fact, that I had to excuse myself to secretly post a Facebook message (via my cell phone,) on my old teacher’s Wall.

The thing is, I’m sure Look-A-Like is a nice guy.  In fact, before I made the connection, we’d had great conversation and things were going just fine.  After my epiphany however, it was all over.

As he walked me home that night, I knew I’d never go out with him again.

The next day I got a Facebook response from my teacher that said this:

“Sorry to hear that. Though ACTUALLY, I find it poetic justice if you end up really liking this guy.”

Quite fitting really.

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Priorities

3 Jun

Every once in awhile, it’s important to do a little cleansing.  Cleaning out your closet, clearing out your email inbox, deleting old numbers from your cell phone, it all has to be done every so often.  Inevitably, this applies to dating as well.

Since there are only so many hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month, and so on, once your schedule starts getting a little too hectic, it’s time to start phasing people out. Now, some people fall through the cracks or phase themselves out, which is all part of a sort of “natural selection,” process.  Others need a bit of coaxing or maybe even a gentle push (…or even  a swift kick in the ass,) to get fully expelled from the dating cycle.

I met a guy a few months ago at a karaoke bar, and have been seeing him intermittently since then.  (He was blown away by my rendition of Spice Girls, “Wannabe.'”)  We’ve been on several dates, have a pretty good time together, and always have a fun back-and-forth during our conversations.  He’s fun, I’m fun, we have fun together, you get the idea.

The last few times he’s asked me out, I just haven’t had time to get together.  Whether it was because of another date, spending time with friends, or some other social commitment, our schedules just didn’t match up.  Though I felt bad about not making more of an effort to squeeze him in, something dawned upon me.

You make time for the things that are important to you. For example, I have an “inner circle” of friends, who I am never too busy for.  Sure, I might not see or talk to them every single day, but I make a point to spend time with them nearly very time I have the opportunity, and would do about anything to be there for the important stuff (i.e. a themed pub crawl…obviously a priority.)

When someone says, “I just don’t have time…” what it really means is, I don’t care enough to make time.  Think about it – we spend our time doing the things that are highest on our list of priorities, whether or not we realize it.  On a weekly basis, do you take time to go to the gym or work out, have a drink with friends, or take your dog for a walk?  If it’s important to you, you do.

You don’t hear people going around saying, ‘I didn’t eat or sleep this week, I just didn’t have time.”  These things are priorities, so we make sure to do them everyday.  (Sidebar: If you do hear people saying that, by the way, you might want to ask about their “recreational practices,” and think about scheduling a intervention…)

After pondering this for awhile, I realized that if I hadn’t made time for this guy in the last two weeks, I must not really care that much about him.  (I spend more time prospecting for new dates than trying to find time to see him.)  Hence, the phase out.

Based on how I spend my time, I found that this list is a good representation of my priorities:

1.) Working (8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and answering emails on the weekend? It may not be glamorous, but it’s where I spend the biggest portion of time.)

2.) Friends (Talking to them, lunch-ing with them, going out with them, etc.)

3.) Working out (Biking, hiking, doing ridiculous Step Aerobics with my flamboyant instructor Paco, etc)

4.) Technology (Facebook, Twitter, Texting, WordPress Blog, Email, etc…I’m addicted and not afraid to admit it.)

5.) Dating (Yea…I don’t think I need to expand on this one…though I should note that lately I’ve been seeing a lot more of one person than the others – but more on that later.)

This does pose a good question though – and it’s not “how am I going to phase this guy out?” I’ll take care of that with a simple “Peace and Good Luck” text (please see last Friday’s blog…)

Take a good look at where you spend your time, and ask yourself, based on where and how you spend your time, what are you YOUR priorities?

Match.com Mistakes – Part 1

22 May

It’s time that I finally tackle this topic.  I feel the need to point out a few of the silly (read: dumb) things that people do in their match.com profile…

First of all (and probably most importantly,) under no circumstance should you say “I’ve never tried online dating before.”

1.) Once you post that profile, it’s a lie.  Congratualations, you’ve tried online dating.  Big whoop. (Oh, and by the way, you posted that line 3 years ago, and I know that because I’ve been here 5 years, and you’ve winked at me 38 times.)

2.) No one cares.  Do you think you’re cool because you’ve made it 36 years without having to “resort” to match.com?  Well thanks for insulting the rest of us.

3.) Thanks for pointing out the obvious…because it’s clear that you’re not very good at it.

4.) You’re a little late to jump on this bandwagon.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Google, Meetup, Yelp, etc…look buddy, the entire world is online, so by telling me that you’re just getting on board, you’re basically screaming that you’re “a little slow.”

Secondly, can we maybe put a bit of effort into this profile?  Do you have any idea how many profiles that say, “Gee, I just don’t know what to say here…I hate talking about myself!”  REALLY?  Is that what you say when you meet a girl in person too?  “I’d love to have a conversation, but as it turns out, I have no conversation skills.  My bad.”

The third (and probably most well known,) mistake is posting bad pictures, or posting no pictures at all.

1.) Posting NO pictures and then saying, “I’m 5′ 11′, with brown hair and eyes and have been told that I’m good-looking…” Seriously?  That’s like telling a friend “I’ve got a blind date for you…she’s got a REALLY great personality!”  You’re not fooling anyone buddy.

2.)  Posting NO pictures and excusing it by saying, “I don’t have any pictures of myself.”  WOW.  In this digital age, where every waking moment of your life is documented, where every 12 year old kid has a digital camera, cell phone camera, or at the very least a Pokemon Polaroiod camera. you have not ONE picture of yourself?  You might also mention that you are a hermit who lives in his mother’s basement.

3.) The group picture.  “I’m the third from the left, two rows back, you can kind of see me if you squint…”

4.) The OLD picture.  Gosh, I can tell you update your profile a lot, I mean those acid-washed Levi’s are so hot right now, you must’ve taken that photo just a few moments ago.

5. ) The TINY picture.  I mean, do I really even have to say this?  You’d think I wouldn’t. <SIGH>

6.) The shirt-off picture.  This is by far my favorite.  What inspires someone to post a shirtless picture exactly?  I get the idea…look at me, I’m in good shape…but really?  Are you that transparent?  I mean, at least post one where you’re at the beach or something, because this camera-phone-in-the-bathroom-mirror pic is killing me.  When you meet a girl in real life, do you take your shirt off before starting a conversation?  No? Maybe you should try it, I bet you’re going to get all KINDS of ladies…(i.e. homeless ladies, bag ladies, caty-lady ladies)

As you can tell by the title, this is the first in a series of blogs dedicated to Match.com Mistakes…and believe me, there are plenty more.  I could write a book…

Efficiency

7 May

Last night, I had an impromptu date with Moto Man.  (I’m bound and determined to nip this baby talk thing in the bud.)

Since my dog had a little surgery that morning, I wanted to be around to take care of him, so Moto Man and I planned on a quick dinner and low key evening at my place.  As I was cleaning up the kitchen, thinking about how to broach the “wittle probwem,” I noticed that Moto Man had dozed off on my couch.  Hmm…odd.  Okay…well, I’m sure he’ll get up when I came back into the living room.

I finished up in the kitchen, and no…still snoozing on the couch.  ALRIGHT then…I’ll just take care of a few things that I didn’t get to earlier today.  I responded to a few emails, updated Facebook and Twitter…and as I sat directly in front of him – me on the floor, him on the couch – I thought…eh, why not?

So, I logged into Match.com and started looking through my unopened messages.  I took a peek behind me, and there he was, snoozing away.  I read through a few profiles, answered an awaiting message, and decided to close out before Sleeping Beauty woke from his slumber.

Now, I realize it was a bit furtive to surf Match.com while Moto Man was 3 feet away…but he’s the one who fell asleep…so really, who’s to blame here?  If he’d kept me entertained, I wouldn’t have felt the need to explore my future options.  I don’t see it as being deceptive or underhanded, so much as being efficient. **

For example, the previous day, I’d sent a double text (to two of the guys in rotation,) that read: “What are you up to tonight?”  This way, I not only hit two birds with one stone, but I was also able to look at my options without having to have two tedious conversations!  Both of them thought I took the time to touch base, AND I saved myself a good 20 minutes of conversation. That’s working smart if I’ve ever seen it.
Bottom line? If you’re going to do something well, you have to be efficient! (I was always taught that if you’re going to do something, don’t do it half-heartedly; be” in it to win it,” or don’t bother.  I try to apply this to every area of my life, dating included.

**Note:  I woke Moto Man up mid-snooze and told him maybe he should get home…to sleep in his own bed instead of on my couch.

Too Accessible

1 May

I’m not afraid to admit it – I’m addicted to technology.  The first thing I do in the morning is check my cell and turn on my computer.  Technology offers us all kinds of tools, an endless supply of information, and the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.  On the flip side though, technology give us the ability to get in contact with nearly anyone at nearly any time.

Last night, I went to a comedy show with some friends, and ended up coming home a bit earlier than expected.  I get home, excited to have an hour to relax instead of getting home at some ridiculous hour on a Thursday night.  As I turned on my computer, an IM pops up, “What are you doing home?”

Oh. Right.  This guy. Another match.com-er that I told that I would give a call if I wasn’t out too late, so we could set up a date.  I really didn’t feel like dealing with it at that moment in time, so I quickly assessed the situation and realized I had a few options:

1.) Ignore the IM altogether.  Kind of rude, but it would buy me time until he asks about it next time we talk.  (Hmm…you IMed me? That’s weird, I didn’t see it…you know my computer has been acting weird lately…)

2.) Answer the IM, explain how I came home early, and that yes, it crossed my mind to call him, but I just didn’t feel like it.  Again, kind of rude, but hey, he’s the one who asked.

3.) Pretend that I got on IM specifically to talk to him, so we could set something up.  (Blatant lie, but possibly flattering for him.)

I ended up giving him a variation of option 2, but without the rudeness.  The point is though, that I felt like a teenager, crawling in the through the window at 3AM, with my dad standing there saying…where have YOU been young lady?!  (Umm….I locked myself out of my bedroom on the way to the bathroom….and I didn’t want to wake you up?)  Right.

All I’m saying is that in today’s world of text messages, phone calls, blackberries, Iphones, Instant Messenger (all 17 versions of it,) email, Twitter, Facebook, etc, if you’re ignoring someone, they know it.