Tag Archives: commitment

The Comeback Kid…or…How MVM Got Her Groove Back

28 Feb

After a significant leave of absence from blogging about the perils of dating and the hilarity that ensues, MVM is making a comeback.

(Cue applause and cheering.)

To begin, let me answer the question I’ve been getting a lot over the past year or so – what happened to the blog?! To put it simply, it was a bit detrimental to my dating life.  I found myself writing blogs in my head before we’d finished the appetizers and going on dates for the purpose of blog fodder, but not much else.  In the few cases that something (or someone,) made it out of the Nickname stage, the writing was already on the walls… (pun intended.)

During my sabbatical, I did my fair share of dating – some of which was significant, some which was less than note-worthy, and some of which I’d plead the fifth about, if asked about in a court of law.

However, one update worth noting is that my single-girl days are a thing of the past – about 8 months past, to be exact. Having met a certain “Traveling Man” – story to come – last year, it’s unlikely you’ll see any (new) first-hand first-date stories from this monogamous blogger.

Now, now, don’t fret fair readers; just because I now get a standard “plus one” on my invites doesn’t mean that my outlook has changed.  I’m still the same biting social observer, here to bring you a unique spin on everything dating.  True to my former serial-dating self, (and conducive to the Traveling Man’s erratic cross-country work schedule,) I still manage to get myself into a healthy dose of trouble and a fair amount of surprising scenarios.

In the return of the blog, I’ll still be sharing experiences and anecdotes, doling out (sometimes harsh, sometimes hilarious,) advice, and in general, providing (what I hope to be) generally entertaining reading material for your mid-afternoon lull or the occasional “Case of the Mondays.”  There’s a whole world of material in a new relationship, and I’ve got enough single friends to inspire new content for years.

So keep your eye out each Monday, because as always, all is fair in love and blogging.

Mid-Week Meltdown: Double Standards

14 Oct

This week’s question comes to us from a 30-something woman wondering how to handle an awkward situation.

Dear MVM,

I’ve had quite a full plate lately, lining up two or three different dates in the same week.  Of course, I’ve been completely transparent and have made these men aware of my non-exclusivity.  Everything’s been going swimmingly until a recent run-in that caught me a bit off guard.

I went out with Date #1 early in the week, and we had an incredible time, just as we’d had the previous few times we’d been out.  He was charming, as was I, and things couldn’t have gone any better.  From the romantic dinner to the evening night cap, it was obvious we were both smitten.

Date #2 was the very next night, and we too had already been on several dates.  After dinner, we decided to walk to a neighboring pub for a drink; on the way, I spotted Date #1 walking down the street with another woman!  In an effort to avoid an uncomfortable situation, I quickly stepped out of his view.

As the evening continued, I couldn’t help but wonder about Date #1’s “mystery blonde.” Was he on a date?  Was he having “night caps” with her too?  Was he saying the same sweet things to her as he was saying to me?!

More importantly…do I have a right to know?  After all, I was on a date too.  Am I allowed to ask him about it or is that taboo?  Does this pang of jealousy mean that I want to be exclusive…or maybe just that I want him to be exclusively mine?

Help!

— Justifiably Jealous

Dear Jealous Jezebel,

Quite a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into…though I can’t say I haven’t been in a few of those myself.  I’m going to give it to you straight, as things seem to be a bit askew for you currently.

You said it yourself, and I’ll repeat it for you here: you were also on a date! You definitely can’t be upset with Date #1 for hitting the town with this mystery blonde who, by the way, you’re not even sure if he is dating.  What you have here, my dear, is a textbook case of hypocrisy.

If you looked up double standards in the dictionary, you may very well see a diagram of yourself standing in betwixt Dates #1 and #2.  I hate to break it to you sister, but this one’s an open and shut case.

You can probe for information if you want, but it will likely do more harm than good.  If you want exclusivity, then make your intentions clear, but know that this intention will also limit your own dating spectrum.

You can try to have your cake and eat it too…but I imagine all you’ll be left with is an empty plate and lingering guilt.

Happy to help,

MVM


Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Stage Five Clinger

4 Sep

I spent a few days in Vegas this past weekend, and this is just one of the stories that made it out.  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…unless it’s blog-worthy.

Though I came home with a menagerie of stories and misadventures from the weekend, the most interesting so far has been with the Stage Five Clinger.  I met him playing craps and it seemed his luck extended past the tables because he ended up with my number.  We texted a bit throughout the afternoon and evening but weren’t able to cross paths again that day.  The next morning at 6am, he texted to see if I was still awake, as he was getting ready to head out and catch his plane.  It’s Vegas…so of course I was still up and ready for a mid-morning date.  We met up for coffee  (his was Starbucks, while mine was Irish,) and chatted for over an hour.  He asked if he could whisk me away for a weekend, and I HAD to say ‘yes.’  (Like I’m going to say ‘no’ to someone offering a weekend getaway…that’s like saying, “No no, I DON’T want stories for my blog…”)

We parted ways and that’s when the mass texting started.  At first, it was innocent enough:

“It was great to meet you, have a great day.” (That’s a perfect follow up text – much appreciated.)

“You are incredible.” (I’ll take it.  I mean, no one is arguing with him here.)

“I hope to see you again.” (Ok, you’re confirming this weekend getaway business, I get it.)

Then, the unnecessary status updates and pointless texting started:

“Boarding my plane, I won’t be able to talk for awhile.” (Um…yea, I know, you DID say you were headed for the airport.)

“Just landed.  Are you home yet?” (No…but why does it matter?)

“Miss me yet?…LOL.” (Umm…are you being serious or ironic?  Either way, superfluous.)

“Good morning sunshine!” (Yes, I’m awake…does this warrant a response?  I need to get ready for work.)

Though this was a little more than slightly annoying, I decided to deal with it because I knew the weekend trip would make up for the over-texting.  Plus, that could likely be easily fixed in one conversation.

That night, during what I can only describe as a textaholic overdose, he asked me what happens if we “get serious.”  (Obviously, he does not know me well.)  I told him to slow his roll; if we wanted to pursue something (which, let’s be honest, is highly unlikely, not only due to my conflicting schedule with his Textaholics Anonymous meetings, but because I can barely commit to plans for a Friday evening, much less a cross-country relationship,) we could figure out the how’s and why’s later. Otherwise, I just wanted a fun weekend in Napa.

Then came the incessant texting…I was sitting at work the next day, and a text came through.  I didn’t check my cell because I was on the phone with a client.  Then I heard the alert again.  …Again, I ignored it.  A minute later: another alert.  Then another, and another.  Finally, I got off the phone with my client and checked my messages to see who had the emergency.  This is what I saw:

“Hi there!”

“Hello?”

“???”

“Crickets”

“…..?”

“U there?”

My response?  “Don’t be clingy. It’s unattractive.”

Later that night, after returning home from the gym, I saw two messages.  “I miss you” and five minutes later, “Hello???”

My (final) response: “You’re creeping me out.”

The idea of someone flying me out to Napa Valley for a whirlwind romance IS tempting and I’d loved to have gone.  Plus, the blog fodder from that weekend would have been priceless; I’m sure.  However, when dealing with a Stage Five Clinger, it’s best to cut your losses as soon as you’re able.  Otherwise, Stage Five Clinger turns into Number One Stalker.


To my Stage Five Clinger, because I know you read the blog:

A piece of honest advice – and please don’t take offense – you’ve got a lot to offer; you shouldn’t give it out so easily.  Playing hard to get is a necessary evil.  Flattery will get you everywhere, but too much of it will get you a restraining order.  The line between not enough and too much isn’t exactly a fine one.  There’s plenty of room for variance; in the future, just reduce your standard deviation.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mid-Week Meltdown: Location, location, location

19 Aug

This week’s question comes to us from a 30-something woman, who is looking for some new spots to meet a mate.

Dear MVM,

Besides match.com and other dating websites, what places do you recommend for meeting people of the opposite sex?

Signed,

Looking for love in all the wrong places


Dear Love Locator,

Unfortunately, there isn’t a Google Maps for Men or a Widget for Women’s Whereabouts – though with Google’s inventiveness, I don’t doubt it’s too far off.  Regardless, my answer for you is simple, albeit vague.  Where do you meet people of the opposite sex?  Everywhere.

Yes, there’s the obvious – bars, clubs, concerts, etc.  When we (men and women alike,) are out at a bar or club, we’re basically on the prowl.  We know that these types of places are prime grounds for meeting and mingling.  Thus, when we go to these places, our state of mind is such that we are not only on the lookout for potential mates, but pursuant about it.  However, we often overlook and/or underestimate all the other opportunities we have to meet potential dates on a daily basis.

Going to the grocery store to pick up some ground beef?  You might notice the beefcake perusing the frozen foods aisle. Headed to the gym for a mid-day cardio blast?  Take a look at the guy who’s blasting his pecs on the bench press. Walking your dog at the dog park?  Walk it on over to the hottie with the French Bulldog.  Catching some rays at the beach or a friend’s pool? That guy in the Ray-bans has got potential. Checking out a book at the library?  Check out the cougar in the Non-Fictions.

All puns aside, I think you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

It’s not so about about where we are, it’s all about our state of mind. There are single men and women literally everywhere you look; you just have to be open to meeting them.

Next time you’re about to run some hum-drum errands, give yourself a second glance in the mirror. Women – are you wearing your “lounging” pants and an old sweatshirt that is not only circa 1987, but does about as much for your figure as a potato sack? Men – are you wearing that T-shirt with a hole in the underarm and those shorts with the paint-stains? You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stuff on a date, so why would you let that be your first impression for the cute guy/girl ordering a latte at your favorite coffee shop?

The better you look, the more confident you’ll feel, and all it takes is a simple comment to get things started.  Such as….

That beefcake in frozen foods…wasn’t he getting personal-pan frozen pizza?  No girlfriend in that picture. “Tomato-basil huh?  I had an incredible slice at Bronx Pizza last week – have you been there?”

That lady at the library…wasn’t she checking out Chuck Norris’ autobiography?! “Did you know that Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around us?”

You get the idea.

Open your eyes and you’ll see a world of opportunity.  All you need is to be (physically and mentally) prepared to seize it.

It’s not about being in the right place at the right time, it’s about being in the right state of mind ALL the time.


Opportunity awaits,

MVM

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mid-Week Meltdown: Which Site Is Right?

29 Jul

This week’s question comes to us from a 30-something single man, who is ready to dive into the world of online dating.

Dear MVM,

I’ve decided to (finally) join an online dating site.  There are so many different dating sites out there; just looking at the options makes my head spin!  I’m new to this online dating scene, so how do I know which site is right for me?

Sincerely,

Online Dating Rookie

Dear Rookie of the Year,

This is a fantastic question!  First of all, good for you for deciding to be proactive about your dating life.  Moreover, it’s impressive that you want to do a little research before you begin.  In my opinion, there are three basic levels of dating sites.  They are as follows:

1.) Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters,” Adult Friend Finder, Date Hookup, etc:

Let’s be honest – these types of sites are for the lonely and horny.  On some of them, you can literally place an ad that says “Looking to hook up tonight.”  If you want instant gratification, this is the site for you.  If you’re looking for a quality partner, steer clear.

Men’s view: I want to get laid.  This is the cheapest and easiest way to do it, and I’ll tell all my friends about it afterward.

Women’s view: I want to get laid.  This is the fastest way to make it happen – but I’ll never tell a soul that I actually used this site.

My view: You may as well call these sites: “iwannahavesexrightnow.com.”  I understand the concept behind it, but I personally couldn’t fathom using any of these sites.  To each their own, I suppose. Just remember to wrap it up people.

2.) Match, Plenty of Fish, Chemistry, Fitness Singles, etc:

These sites are used by (and blanket marketed towards,) the majority of singles.  From early 20’s to senior citizen’s, these sites have it all.  There are tons of these sites out there, some that are geared towards a specific niche, like Fitness Singles, and some that focus on certain types of relationships, like Sugar Daddies or Established Men.  The premise is always the same; you are “matched up” with people based on your profile.  In all reality though, you basically peruse pictures until you see someone you find attractive, check their stats to see if they fit your basic requirements – age, height, smoking preference, etc, and scan their profile to verify that they can write complete sentences.

Men’s view: I want to get laid. I might have to pay a small fee for the service, but it’s the same thing as buying drinks at the bar.

Women’s view: I want a screening tool for meeting men; I’m hoping to find my soulmate, but I’ll settle for a nice dinner.  I’m sick of meeting guys who can’t commit and if a guy is on a dating site, he MUST be interested in a relationship…

My view: These are the semi-serious sites.  Personally, I think it’s a great way to screen and meet single men.  I call these “lotsofdates.com,” but then again, I’ve never had a bad experience.

3.) EHarmony, Christian Dating Sites, etc

I tried EHarmony once, during a “Free Communication” weekend.  The premise here is that you take personality tests, and you actually get matched based on different levels of your personality.  (Crazy concept, I know!) You can’t just go looking through profiles – EHarmony has to match you based on your results.  The process is slow-moving; there are several required emails and sets of questions to be answered before you actually meet the person.

**I had one man tell me that women on EHarmony are “about 7 years older and 15 lbs heavier,” than women on Match…but I’ll make no comment on that matter.**

Men’s view: I want to get laid.  Yea, I wouldn’t mind a relationship, as long as getting laid is part of the deal.

Women’s view: This is serious.  I’m ready to not only be in a committed relationship, but my biological clock is a-ticking and I’m ready to pop out some babies.  If a man is on EHarmony, I’m assuming he’s ready to settle down.

My View: I call this site, “iwanttogetmarriedandmakebabies.com.”   ‘Nuff said.  I don’t have the patience for their matching process and I’m definitely not in an EHarmony state of mind.

**Sidebar: EHarmony also does not allow same sex matching.  Personally, I boycott them for this reason.  I’m not into discrimination, not to mention all the spiritual overtones of the site.**

So Rookie, there you have it.  No matter what site you choose, give it some time.  Many people try these sites for a month, have one bad experience and write off online dating altogether.  That’s akin to me saying that I had one bad experience meeting a guy in the library, so I’m swearing off libraries for all eternity.  To get the hang of the online dating thing, I’d say you need to give a good three months.

…Then again, a friend of mine recently joined an online dating site, met a guy within the first 2 weeks, and ended up canceling her membership not two weeks later, as the guy she met is basically a dreamboat.  Let’s remember though…stories like that are always the exception, not the rule.

Dating Sites Debunked,

MVM

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mid-Week Meltdown: Our Little Secret

15 Jul

This weeks question comes to us from a 26 yr old man, who has recently started online dating.

Dear MVM,

What do you do when you meet someone online and they don’t want people to know that’s how you met?

Sincerely,

Sworn To Secrecy Stud

Dear Secret Stud,

My answer to this question is simple and, (as usual,) blunt.  If someone isn’t comfortable saying they’re using an online dating service, they shouldn’t be using it.

Think about it this way: let’s say you met at church.  Would she be embarrassed to say she met you there?  Probably not, because if she’s a church-goer, she identifies that as a part of who she is. She would probably be proud of that fact, right?  What about if you met in a sports bar?  She probably wouldn’t feel the need to lie about that either.  Granted, she’s probably not bragging about it to all her friends or shouting it from the rooftops – but she’d still be okay with it.

So why then wouldn’t she want people to know you met online?  Is she ashamed of the fact that she’s on match.com or EHarmony, or some other dating site?  Seems to me that if she’s comfortable hiding that part of her life from friends and family who are near and dear to her, she’s probably comfortable hiding lots of other things…especially from some guy she just met…online, for goodness’ sakes! (Her words, not mine buddy.)

Or, how about this scenario?  You end up dating, “falling in love,” getting married, etc.  Are you really going to base that whole relationship on a lie?  “Yes kids, that’s right, mommy and daddy met at the end of a rainbow, under a golden sun, in a field filled with bunnies and frolicking deer…” Yea, that sounds like a healthy relationship.

For me, it’s black and white (RIP M.J.) It’s like teenagers having unprotected sex because they are too embarrassed to go buy condoms.  If you’re not mature enough to pick up some prophylactics, you’re not mature enough to be having sex.  The same goes for this situation.  If she’s not mature enough to tell people she met you online, she’s probably not mature enough for a relationship.  The reason online dating still has a stigma is because of girls (yes, girls, not women…apparently this is one of the differentiators between the two,) like this.

My two cents?  Suck it up Sally.  Online dating isn’t just for hermits and Trekkies anymore.  You’re not just lying to other people, you’re lying to yourself.

Abrasive as Always,

MVM

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

10 Jul

Due to several requests, I wanted to give everyone an update on the “Busted” situation.  (If you’re confused, check out Wednesday’s blog.)

I spoke with Moto Man Wednesday evening and found out that I was apparently sitting TWO tables away from him that night.  He was in a group of six or so people and I was (apparently) completely oblivious to his presence.  When I asked why he didn’t come over and say hi, he just laughed at me – as we both knew the answer to the question.  I assumed that he wasn’t upset about the situation because he didn’t question me whatsoever.  In fact, though he wasn’t able to keep our plans for Wednesday night, he asked me to the Drive In for Thursday evening.

I debated all day on how to handle the situation – should I bring it up?  Do I let him bring it up?  Do we just let it go?  I finally decided I’d just play it by ear and try to gauge his stance on the matter by his demeanor on our date.

He picked me up, and it was like nothing had happened.  We had a great time at the movies and I began to wonder if he was avoiding the topic or if he just didn’t care.  Then, on the drive home, it came out.

Moto Man: I have a question…but well…have you ever had a question that you WANT to ask, and you REALLY want to know the answer to…but you don’t know if you’ll like the answer?

Me: Yes.  However, if it were me, I’d just have to get it over with.  I don’t like being uninformed.

Moto Man: Well, here’s the thing.  It’s a double-edged sword.  If I get the answer that I WANT to hear, I don’t think I’d believe it anyway.  I’d think, “Oh, she’s just saying that to avoid hurting my feelings.”  But, if I get the answer that I DON’T want to hear…well then…my feelings get hurt.  So either way, it’s not good.

Me: I see your point.  Let me just say this: if there is a question you’d like to ask me, regardless of the subject matter, I promise to answer honestly and to the best of my ability.  That being said, do you have a question you’d like to ask me?

Moto Man: <Pause> No.

Me: Okay.  Well, when you do, let me know.

So, I guess that’s that.  He obviously knows I’m seeing other people and probably knows that that’s not going to change anytime in the near future.  My dilemma now?  Do I let it continue on if I know that he’s getting attached?

You may be wondering why I don’t just stop seeing him, since I don’t foresee a real relationship developing.  And, while there are several qualities of his that I really do like (his rugged good looks, quirkiness, ultra-masculinity, etc,) if I’m totally honest…it’s the physical chemistry that keeps me coming back.  He basically makes me weak in the knees, and I’m too selfish to give that up.

I guess the moral controversy here is this: if he knows my stance on this whole “relationship” business, but continues to date me anyway, is the onus on him if he gets hurt?  Or, is it my responsibility to be the bigger person and shut it down right now, to save future heartache?

To quote The Clash, Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?