Tag Archives: advice

Mid-Week Meltdown: Double Standards

14 Oct

This week’s question comes to us from a 30-something woman wondering how to handle an awkward situation.

Dear MVM,

I’ve had quite a full plate lately, lining up two or three different dates in the same week.  Of course, I’ve been completely transparent and have made these men aware of my non-exclusivity.  Everything’s been going swimmingly until a recent run-in that caught me a bit off guard.

I went out with Date #1 early in the week, and we had an incredible time, just as we’d had the previous few times we’d been out.  He was charming, as was I, and things couldn’t have gone any better.  From the romantic dinner to the evening night cap, it was obvious we were both smitten.

Date #2 was the very next night, and we too had already been on several dates.  After dinner, we decided to walk to a neighboring pub for a drink; on the way, I spotted Date #1 walking down the street with another woman!  In an effort to avoid an uncomfortable situation, I quickly stepped out of his view.

As the evening continued, I couldn’t help but wonder about Date #1’s “mystery blonde.” Was he on a date?  Was he having “night caps” with her too?  Was he saying the same sweet things to her as he was saying to me?!

More importantly…do I have a right to know?  After all, I was on a date too.  Am I allowed to ask him about it or is that taboo?  Does this pang of jealousy mean that I want to be exclusive…or maybe just that I want him to be exclusively mine?

Help!

— Justifiably Jealous

Dear Jealous Jezebel,

Quite a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into…though I can’t say I haven’t been in a few of those myself.  I’m going to give it to you straight, as things seem to be a bit askew for you currently.

You said it yourself, and I’ll repeat it for you here: you were also on a date! You definitely can’t be upset with Date #1 for hitting the town with this mystery blonde who, by the way, you’re not even sure if he is dating.  What you have here, my dear, is a textbook case of hypocrisy.

If you looked up double standards in the dictionary, you may very well see a diagram of yourself standing in betwixt Dates #1 and #2.  I hate to break it to you sister, but this one’s an open and shut case.

You can probe for information if you want, but it will likely do more harm than good.  If you want exclusivity, then make your intentions clear, but know that this intention will also limit your own dating spectrum.

You can try to have your cake and eat it too…but I imagine all you’ll be left with is an empty plate and lingering guilt.

Happy to help,

MVM


Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mid-Week Meltdown: Explained

5 Aug

I thought I’d clarify a bit about the Mid-Week Meltdown.  The M-W-M is a chance for you to get your questions answered.  Any questions about relationships, online dating, or some other related topic are welcome.

I’m also looking for stories to share.   If you you’ve had a bad date, a funny breakup, or a ridiculous story about a guy or girl who tried to ask you out – PLEASE share! I’ll edit down the story and share my thoughts on it.  I can leave it anonymous or include your contact info.

With that said, please feel free to share My Vagina Monoblogs with friends on Facebook, Twitter, etc.  The new MVM Fan Page address is: http://facebook.com/monoblogs .  (Yea, Facebook wouldn’t let me include the “V” word, but no bigs.

I’m also going to start sharing some of my favorite websites with you.  (I promise they’ll just be just as entertaining as MVM.)

Favorite site of the week: http://casualencounters.com/blog .  This blog is RIDIC!  The author chooses the funniest posts from Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters” section.  The most recent one is about a guy who offers imitation crab meat to his potential “encounterers” in exchange for a “friendly visit” to his model train room.  Oh, but don’t worry…he states very clearly, “I’m not gay.”  You’ve gotta check out the whole post!!!  Casual Encounters Blog – Train Man

I look forward to receiving your questions, comments, and stories at myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com.

A Word of Advice

6 Jul

This weekend, I got an email on match.com that got under my skin a bit.  Being the quiet, reserved person that I am, I decided to let it go and simply not respond…

Right.

Here’s the email I received:

Subject Line: hey there…we look compatable   (and yes, it was spelled incorrectly, thank you for noticing.)

Message Body: “Hello . . . this is my first time emailing these ad’s, but I heard there are some really cool chicks here!

Well, a little about me; I am an outgoing person ( love to always be doing new things), very easy to talk to and a good listener. I am not phony! physically i am – 6ft, 185, clean cut hair/ clean too, no tattoos, and in shape! you should be = a cool laid back chick with no drama or negativity, reliable and direct personality, and age between 18-25. physically i am not looking for a model, just be normal body weight. i am not creepy, please be the same. looking forward to hearing from you soon 🙂

I just couldn’t resist…here is my response:

Subject Line: A word of advice

Message Body: Since that was your “first email,” let me give you a few tips:

1.) Read the person’s profile who you are emailing. If you had, you’d know that I do not fit into your 18-25 age range.
2.) Do not copy and paste the same email to more than one person. It’s very clear that you’re doing just that.
3.) This is not an ad in the paper, don’t write things like “me = this” and “you = that.” You sound like you’re looking for a roommate on Craigslist.
4.) Two words: Spell check.

That being said, we’re obviously not a good match. (I watch fake reality TV shows, which you’d know, had you read my profile.)

Good luck buddy.

(Sidebar: He says in his profile that he doesn’t like girls who “watch fake reality TV shows.”)

I know, I know – a little harsh.  But, hey, at least I gave the guy some pointers!

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mid-Week Meltdown: What Might Be Right For Some…

24 Jun

Today is the first in our series of Questions and Answers, the Mid-Week Meltdown.

Today, our question comes from a 26 yr old woman who writes to us saying:

Dear MVM,

What do you think about the 3 month rule?…as in, dating a guy, but not sleeping with him for 3 months. I’ve heard good things, but it’s hard. And I like easy. But I also like effective. Are there exceptions to this rule?


Signed,
Crazed and Confused

Dear Crazed and Confused…
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, sex is not a topic that I generally go into detail about in my blog, but I think your question is a good one and deserves answering.
In all honesty, I think the “3 month rule” is ridiculous.  But, like a famous 70’s TV show theme song once (wisely) said, “What might be right for you, might not be right for some,” and vice versa.

Let me break down why I personally disagree with this rule:
1.) Who decided that three months was the right amount of time? And when does the clock start? From the date you meet?  From the date of your first “official date?” From the moment of your first kiss?  And, for that matter, is there a waiting period for your first kiss?

2.) Dating shouldn’t be like writing a term paper – it doesn’t need a time line.

3.) In a real relationship, one person shouldn’t be holding all the power – it should be shared equally.  Withholding sex JUST to withhold sex creates an imbalance.

4.) Finally, and most importantly, sex is an important part of a healthy relationship! Sexual chemistry is something that cannot be forced or falsified.  Without knowing if this part of the relationship works, what’s the point in developing the rest of it? For example, let’s say you wait 3 months, only to find out that it’s the worst sex of your life.  Erectile dysfunction, jack-hammer syndrome, perpetual whiskey-dick, or just plain bad sex…pick your poison.  Now, not only are you stuck with a boyfriend who you don’t want to sleep with, but you’re too emotionally invested to get out without crushing his ego, as he’ll easily recognize that the only variable change is your physical relationship.

Look, I understand the theory behind the three month rule; the idea that you want to get to know someone without letting lust cloud your judgment is not foreign to me.  In no way am I saying to go “slut it up” all over town either.  Yes, you should get to know someone before getting physical with them.  Yes, you should have that awkward conversation about birth control and condoms and STD’s, while FULLY clothed, with a clear state of mind, OUTSIDE the bedroom.  However, withholding sex for some arbitrary amount of time just because someone told you that there is some magic time frame is unnecessary and senseless.

There’s no need to rush into it and there doesn’t need to be a “Go-Live” date either.  Instead of relying on a road map to make your decisions, take the time to know yourself and trust your own judgment.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Some Q and A for The Masses

17 Jun

In the last few months (basically since I started My Vagina Monoblogs,) I’ve been approached by several people asking for advice and/or opinions in the world of dating.  A few of my friends recently joined Match.com and have been asking how to handle particular dating situations. involving everything from how much personal information to give out, to how to handle being stood up. I’ve also been asked to help edit online profiles and weigh in on dating issues (online or otherwise,) they’ve been dealing with.

This gave me an idea for My Vagina Monoblogs.  I’d like to start taking questions from YOU!

You can ask anything from how to set up a match.com account to how to handle being blown off.  The questions don’t have to be about match.com or online dating – feel free to ask me anything relating to the dating scene at all!  Every Wednesday, I’ll post a question or two and my (likely satirical) response.   Everything will be anonymous of course, so don’t worry about me putting you on blast.

People will be able to read my response and comment, (whether they agree or disagree,) with their own advice.  This is a great opportunity to not only find out why what you are doing is or isn’t working, but hear what others are going through, and learn from their mistakes and successes in the dating world!  (It’s also a good chance to tell an embarrassing story or ask an awkward question with no personal risk.)

Send your questions, funny dating stories, and anything else you can think of to: myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com .   You can also tweet your questions at me – @DatingDiaries.  I’ll be sure to let you know what day your question will be posted on the blog.   And remember, no question is too embarrassing…