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Mid-Week Meltdown: Double Standards

14 Oct

This week’s question comes to us from a 30-something woman wondering how to handle an awkward situation.

Dear MVM,

I’ve had quite a full plate lately, lining up two or three different dates in the same week.  Of course, I’ve been completely transparent and have made these men aware of my non-exclusivity.  Everything’s been going swimmingly until a recent run-in that caught me a bit off guard.

I went out with Date #1 early in the week, and we had an incredible time, just as we’d had the previous few times we’d been out.  He was charming, as was I, and things couldn’t have gone any better.  From the romantic dinner to the evening night cap, it was obvious we were both smitten.

Date #2 was the very next night, and we too had already been on several dates.  After dinner, we decided to walk to a neighboring pub for a drink; on the way, I spotted Date #1 walking down the street with another woman!  In an effort to avoid an uncomfortable situation, I quickly stepped out of his view.

As the evening continued, I couldn’t help but wonder about Date #1’s “mystery blonde.” Was he on a date?  Was he having “night caps” with her too?  Was he saying the same sweet things to her as he was saying to me?!

More importantly…do I have a right to know?  After all, I was on a date too.  Am I allowed to ask him about it or is that taboo?  Does this pang of jealousy mean that I want to be exclusive…or maybe just that I want him to be exclusively mine?

Help!

— Justifiably Jealous

Dear Jealous Jezebel,

Quite a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into…though I can’t say I haven’t been in a few of those myself.  I’m going to give it to you straight, as things seem to be a bit askew for you currently.

You said it yourself, and I’ll repeat it for you here: you were also on a date! You definitely can’t be upset with Date #1 for hitting the town with this mystery blonde who, by the way, you’re not even sure if he is dating.  What you have here, my dear, is a textbook case of hypocrisy.

If you looked up double standards in the dictionary, you may very well see a diagram of yourself standing in betwixt Dates #1 and #2.  I hate to break it to you sister, but this one’s an open and shut case.

You can probe for information if you want, but it will likely do more harm than good.  If you want exclusivity, then make your intentions clear, but know that this intention will also limit your own dating spectrum.

You can try to have your cake and eat it too…but I imagine all you’ll be left with is an empty plate and lingering guilt.

Happy to help,

MVM


Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Mediocre Man

14 Aug

A turkey sandwich on wheat, hold the mayo.  You can order it pretty much anywhere and it will generally be just what you expected.  Nothing special about it, but it does the trick.  It’s not exactly filet mignon, but it’s better than a TV Dinner.  It’s not the best sandwich in the world – there’s no avocado slices or Chipotle dressing; the bread is plain and the mustard is yellow.  It’s a typical weekday brown-bag lunch.  Will you have it again?  Probably.  If someone offered you a trade for roast beef on Rye, would you take it?  Probably.  Would you rather not eat at all?  Definitely not.

That’s what this new Match.com-er is to me.  Mediocre.

Mediocre Man and I grabbed a few glasses of wine and a cheese board at a local wine bar a few weeks ago.  That first date was…alright.  He was attractive, but not drop-dead gorgeous.  His was personable and could hold a good conversation, but I wasn’t hanging on his every word.  His stories were moderately entertaining and his jokes warranted a chuckle, but I wasn’t gasping for air between guffaws.  It wasn’t a bad date by any means, but it was nothing to write home about either.

When he asked to see me again, I found myself saying, “okay, why not?”  Much the same as a friend asking if I’d like to go to Subway for lunch.  “Okay, why not?”  I need to eat, right?

Our second date was…just about the same.  We did the customary dinner and a movie,  the universal standard for average dates, but I can’t say I was surprised by the irony.  We ate Thai food, and I can honestly say my Spicy Chicken Gaprow was more memorable than the conversation.  Again, it wasn’t bad or even boring; it was just fine.  Just.  Fine.

He scored points for the kiss.  On a scale from 1 – 10, I’d rate it a 7.  Slightly better than average.  (It was the Pepper Jack Cheese on my turkey sandwich.)

After the second date, I debated whether or not to see him again.  I don’t know if mediocrity is something I’m okay with.  I don’t think I could eat a turkey sandwich everyday.  But, when he asked me for a tennis date this weekend, I accepted.  I love playing tennis and I can always use the practice….and maybe this time, he’ll bring the spicy mustard.

Maybe today’s blog wasn’t nearly as exciting or entertaining as if I’d been on a date with a guy who had Turrets Syndrome or an anger management issue.  Maybe not everything in life is supposed to have PIZZAZZ!  Maybe we need mediocrity to appreciate uniqueness.

So what did I learn from Mediocre Man?  I’ll take the ups and downs of dating and the risks and rewards of being atypical any day.  I guess “drama’ isn’t as overrated as people say.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Babyface Said It Best

7 Aug

“When can I see you again?”

Possibly a woman’s favorite thing to hear from a man, other than “Did you lose weight?  You look incredible,” or “No, I don’t expect reciprocation…I’m a giver.”

At the end of a date, when a guy asks you that question, you have one thing that every person, man or woman, wants – confirmation. Confirmation that you are an attractive, desirable person.  Confirmation that you have impressed this date of yours so much that they are already thinking about your next rendezvous.  Confirmation that (like our mothers all taught us,) you left them wanting more.

But what about those times when the wrong person asks you the right question?    I went on a date this week with a new match.com-er who I really wanted to like.  I mean, we have so much in common that it almost seems silly NOT to be into him.  He is a total foodie, (which is why I’ve aptly named him Foodie Fellow,) who likes all the same things as me, has an adorable dog that I’m sure my dog would love, and has an east coast accent (which, if I haven’t mentioned before, I am TOTALLY into.  If you “pahk ya cah in Hahvahd yahd,” I’ll probably park something there too. …kidding…kind of.)  Regardless of the panty-dropping accent, mutual hobbies, and puppy love, I’m just not physically attracted to him.

While we’re on this topic, I want to clarify something for the masses.  Physical attraction doesn’t necessarily have to do with someone’s “attractiveness.”  I’ve got plenty of REALLY attractive guy friends, who I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, (even if they had a ten foot…nevermind.)  I also have been really attracted to guys who are not tradtionally handsome by any means – I’ll have to write a blog about “ugly sexy.”  The point is, physical chemistry is important, and if it’s not there, you can’t do anything about it.

At the end of the date with FF, he asked that cherished question, and I just didn’t know how to break it to him.  I told him I’d have to check my schedule, but odds are, it’s just not happening.

On a positive note, I did get to try an incredible restaurant that I’ve had my eye on for quite awhile.  Ahh, the silver lining…

Look-A-Like

13 Jul

I had a another match.com first date last week that really threw me for a loop.

I’d emailed back and forth with this new guy a few times and we decided to meet up for a drink.  As part of my pre-date ritual, I generally review the guy’s profile to remind myself of his stats – what he does for a living, where he’s from, shared interests, and any other possible conversation topics.  (It’s kind of like cramming for an exam – you cram your mind full of info and then dump it all out in a 2 hour period, likely never to remember it again.)

As I clicked through his pictures, I noted how oddly familiar he looked.  I knew we hadn’t been out on a date before (or I was pretty sure of it anyway,) but he looked SO familiar that I thought maybe we’d met through friends or seen each other in passing at some point.  I figured it would come to me eventually, and so I headed out for the date.

As we shared a bottle of wine, I was going crazy trying to figure where we’d met or who it was that he looked like.  And then it hit me.  He was the spitting image of one of my high school teachers, (who, by the way, I shared a love-hate relationship with…as in, we loved to hate each other.  I think at one point I may have been marked down just for showing up to class; in turn I created posters with his face on various evil characters’ bodies.)  The point is, my Look-A-Like date could have been this guy’s twin brother.

From that point on, that’s all I could see.  I tried desperately to listen to what he was saying and be involved in the conversation, but all I could see was this teacher staring back at me, marking me down for tardiness or calling me out for my incessant chatter.  It was driving me so crazy, in fact, that I had to excuse myself to secretly post a Facebook message (via my cell phone,) on my old teacher’s Wall.

The thing is, I’m sure Look-A-Like is a nice guy.  In fact, before I made the connection, we’d had great conversation and things were going just fine.  After my epiphany however, it was all over.

As he walked me home that night, I knew I’d never go out with him again.

The next day I got a Facebook response from my teacher that said this:

“Sorry to hear that. Though ACTUALLY, I find it poetic justice if you end up really liking this guy.”

Quite fitting really.

Match.com Mistakes – Part 1

22 May

It’s time that I finally tackle this topic.  I feel the need to point out a few of the silly (read: dumb) things that people do in their match.com profile…

First of all (and probably most importantly,) under no circumstance should you say “I’ve never tried online dating before.”

1.) Once you post that profile, it’s a lie.  Congratualations, you’ve tried online dating.  Big whoop. (Oh, and by the way, you posted that line 3 years ago, and I know that because I’ve been here 5 years, and you’ve winked at me 38 times.)

2.) No one cares.  Do you think you’re cool because you’ve made it 36 years without having to “resort” to match.com?  Well thanks for insulting the rest of us.

3.) Thanks for pointing out the obvious…because it’s clear that you’re not very good at it.

4.) You’re a little late to jump on this bandwagon.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Google, Meetup, Yelp, etc…look buddy, the entire world is online, so by telling me that you’re just getting on board, you’re basically screaming that you’re “a little slow.”

Secondly, can we maybe put a bit of effort into this profile?  Do you have any idea how many profiles that say, “Gee, I just don’t know what to say here…I hate talking about myself!”  REALLY?  Is that what you say when you meet a girl in person too?  “I’d love to have a conversation, but as it turns out, I have no conversation skills.  My bad.”

The third (and probably most well known,) mistake is posting bad pictures, or posting no pictures at all.

1.) Posting NO pictures and then saying, “I’m 5′ 11′, with brown hair and eyes and have been told that I’m good-looking…” Seriously?  That’s like telling a friend “I’ve got a blind date for you…she’s got a REALLY great personality!”  You’re not fooling anyone buddy.

2.)  Posting NO pictures and excusing it by saying, “I don’t have any pictures of myself.”  WOW.  In this digital age, where every waking moment of your life is documented, where every 12 year old kid has a digital camera, cell phone camera, or at the very least a Pokemon Polaroiod camera. you have not ONE picture of yourself?  You might also mention that you are a hermit who lives in his mother’s basement.

3.) The group picture.  “I’m the third from the left, two rows back, you can kind of see me if you squint…”

4.) The OLD picture.  Gosh, I can tell you update your profile a lot, I mean those acid-washed Levi’s are so hot right now, you must’ve taken that photo just a few moments ago.

5. ) The TINY picture.  I mean, do I really even have to say this?  You’d think I wouldn’t. <SIGH>

6.) The shirt-off picture.  This is by far my favorite.  What inspires someone to post a shirtless picture exactly?  I get the idea…look at me, I’m in good shape…but really?  Are you that transparent?  I mean, at least post one where you’re at the beach or something, because this camera-phone-in-the-bathroom-mirror pic is killing me.  When you meet a girl in real life, do you take your shirt off before starting a conversation?  No? Maybe you should try it, I bet you’re going to get all KINDS of ladies…(i.e. homeless ladies, bag ladies, caty-lady ladies)

As you can tell by the title, this is the first in a series of blogs dedicated to Match.com Mistakes…and believe me, there are plenty more.  I could write a book…

Sweaty Phelps

15 May

I had a date with another match.com-er this week. (…De ja vu much?  I feel like I’ve started more than a few blogs with that sentence…)

We grabbed some sushi and then hit up a comedy club to see some local acts.  Couple things to mention here:

1.) I tend to take a lot of my dates to my favorite local sushi place, where the owners me…AND my blog.  They appreciate the business and they get a kick out of all the guys that roll through.

2.) Seeing someone’s sushi etiquette and preferences always tell me a bit about them.  If they order California rolls and can’t use chop sticks to save their life, I know what I’m getting myself into.  (I know.  Kind of rude.  Not everyone has to like raw fish; however it’s kind of like a girl who doesn’t know a thing about football, right?  …And yes, I probably qualify as that girl.)

3.) Comedy clubs make for great dates – you get a feel for their sense of humor AND you always have a great time, whether or not you end up being remotely attracted to your date. **Spoiler alert: this comes in handy later that evening.

Ok, so he picked me up at my place, and the first thing I notice is that his hair is still wet.  No big deal – just an observation, I’m sure he just jumped in the shower right before he picked me up.  Totally normal.

We go to sushi, where he opens the door for me, lets me order, AND is game for sharing some hot sake.  All good things.  Dinner goes well – no major lulls in conversation – and as we’re getting ready to leave, I note that his hair still appears wet.  Hmm…odd.  He’s got a pretty full head of wavy-ish hair, so maybe it’s just taking a REALLY long time to dry.  Though that doesn’t really explain why his face seems quite shiny as well, unless his still soaking wet hair has been dripping…

We head to the comedy show, grab some cocktails and make with the small talk.  Our conversation goes well – joke joke here, joke joke there, funny aside, etc – and the time passes easily.  After awhile, I almost don’t notice the just-got-out-of-the-pool look anymore…almost being the operative word.

The first few comedians in a local lineup are generally pretty horrible, and this night was no exception.  (Telling the audience that you have to hurry because your kids are waiting in the car?  Not funny and I kind of thought I should call Child Protective Services.) It always makes for an extremely uncomfortable time, when you’re not sure who you feel worse for – the comedian or the audience.  (In this case, it’s a toss up.)  After the first few acts, the comedians get better (and/or we have a few more cocktails,) and the crowd is roaring with laughter in no time.  (In fact, I HAVE to give a shout out to this hilarious local comedian Ken Rahn – check out his site: http://kenrb.com He sang a song called, “No Reason Boner,” you CAN’T not love that.)

After the “head liners,” the comedy really starts going downhill, and we decide to jet.  I’ll be honest…even though the conversation was good, and he was a super nice guy, I just REALLY wasn’t feeling him.  In fact…I’d been eyeing one of the comedians all night, and was trying to figure out how to make a move on the sly.  (Again, kind of rude, but believe me, if you’d seen this guy, you’d understand. Stage presence AND bulging biceps?  Yes, please.)

On the way out, I stop to chat with (and compliment,) the comics, and figure that blatantly flirting is probably out of the question.  (See? I have morals.)  BUT, asking for his business card iss totally acceptable – I mean, I JUST want to help promote the guy’s comedy!

Anyhow, as he drops me off at my place, I note my date’s still-shiny face and hair are just NOT giving it up, and I bid him adieu.

Though I wouldn’t say he earned a gold medal of any kind that night, (unless Pantene Pro-V is now doling out awards,) but he did earn himself the nickname “Michael Phelps.”

**Thanks to Kevin for helping out with the nickname – without you, I’d still be calling him Babyface.

Blog Overload!!!

13 May

Hey everyone!! Just a little heads up…

I’m on blog overload, with all the blogging I’m doing, I barely have time to DATE!!  From now on, I’ll be blogging Mon/Wed/Fri, instead of every day.  Don’t cry.  I’m sure you’ll live.

P.S. Went on a date last night with a guy last night who reminds me of Michael Phelpss…not because of his body type or his athletic ability, but because ALL night long, he looked as if he’d just gotten out of a pool.  I was making silent bets to myself on when his hair would dry.  It didn’t.  More to come on that front this Friday.