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Steve The Pilot

12 Oct

I’ve been doing a bit of traveling the past month or so, (hence the lack of blogging,) and have a recommendation for anyone with an upcoming trip.

One of my favorite places to people watch has always been the airport, for a number of reasons.  Have you ever noticed that almost everyone at the airport thinks their time is more important than anyone else’s time?  (FYI to the obnoxious guy who is sighing loudly behind me while I take off my jacket and shoes at Security: if you’re THAT annoyed, you probably should have sprung the extra $100 for business class to get in on that VIP Security lane.)

Aside from silently laughing at impatient business travelers and silently cursing at screaming children, there’s also something really exciting about traveling.  You never know who you might meet in the airport or who you might sit next to on your flight.   For this reason, I always dress to impress while traveling.  Since most people dress for comfort, in their favorite hoodie and sweats, I figure my efforts are doubly effective.  Plus, the hotter you look, the more you can get away with – at the airport or otherwise.  (You can’t deny it; I’m speaking the truth.)

Need to get your seat switched to a window or skip to the front of the security line when you’re running late?  Your chances are a lot higher when you’re rocking heels and a short skirt than track pants and tennis shoes.  Hoping to get bumped to first class when you find out your flight was oversold?  It doesn’t hurt that the gate agent has a thing for tights with boots.

Think I’m being ridiculous?  Tell that to the handsome pilot I had an impromptu lunch date with on my recent 90 minute layover in Chicago.  Though I’m sure Steve the Pilot has a girl in every city he flies to, I bet none of them were wearing sweat pants and sneakers when he met them.

Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression.  So, next time you’re packing your carry-on with ear plugs and a pillow, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: Am I bringing the hotness? Steve the Pilot sure hopes so.

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Stage Five Clinger

4 Sep

I spent a few days in Vegas this past weekend, and this is just one of the stories that made it out.  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…unless it’s blog-worthy.

Though I came home with a menagerie of stories and misadventures from the weekend, the most interesting so far has been with the Stage Five Clinger.  I met him playing craps and it seemed his luck extended past the tables because he ended up with my number.  We texted a bit throughout the afternoon and evening but weren’t able to cross paths again that day.  The next morning at 6am, he texted to see if I was still awake, as he was getting ready to head out and catch his plane.  It’s Vegas…so of course I was still up and ready for a mid-morning date.  We met up for coffee  (his was Starbucks, while mine was Irish,) and chatted for over an hour.  He asked if he could whisk me away for a weekend, and I HAD to say ‘yes.’  (Like I’m going to say ‘no’ to someone offering a weekend getaway…that’s like saying, “No no, I DON’T want stories for my blog…”)

We parted ways and that’s when the mass texting started.  At first, it was innocent enough:

“It was great to meet you, have a great day.” (That’s a perfect follow up text – much appreciated.)

“You are incredible.” (I’ll take it.  I mean, no one is arguing with him here.)

“I hope to see you again.” (Ok, you’re confirming this weekend getaway business, I get it.)

Then, the unnecessary status updates and pointless texting started:

“Boarding my plane, I won’t be able to talk for awhile.” (Um…yea, I know, you DID say you were headed for the airport.)

“Just landed.  Are you home yet?” (No…but why does it matter?)

“Miss me yet?…LOL.” (Umm…are you being serious or ironic?  Either way, superfluous.)

“Good morning sunshine!” (Yes, I’m awake…does this warrant a response?  I need to get ready for work.)

Though this was a little more than slightly annoying, I decided to deal with it because I knew the weekend trip would make up for the over-texting.  Plus, that could likely be easily fixed in one conversation.

That night, during what I can only describe as a textaholic overdose, he asked me what happens if we “get serious.”  (Obviously, he does not know me well.)  I told him to slow his roll; if we wanted to pursue something (which, let’s be honest, is highly unlikely, not only due to my conflicting schedule with his Textaholics Anonymous meetings, but because I can barely commit to plans for a Friday evening, much less a cross-country relationship,) we could figure out the how’s and why’s later. Otherwise, I just wanted a fun weekend in Napa.

Then came the incessant texting…I was sitting at work the next day, and a text came through.  I didn’t check my cell because I was on the phone with a client.  Then I heard the alert again.  …Again, I ignored it.  A minute later: another alert.  Then another, and another.  Finally, I got off the phone with my client and checked my messages to see who had the emergency.  This is what I saw:

“Hi there!”

“Hello?”

“???”

“Crickets”

“…..?”

“U there?”

My response?  “Don’t be clingy. It’s unattractive.”

Later that night, after returning home from the gym, I saw two messages.  “I miss you” and five minutes later, “Hello???”

My (final) response: “You’re creeping me out.”

The idea of someone flying me out to Napa Valley for a whirlwind romance IS tempting and I’d loved to have gone.  Plus, the blog fodder from that weekend would have been priceless; I’m sure.  However, when dealing with a Stage Five Clinger, it’s best to cut your losses as soon as you’re able.  Otherwise, Stage Five Clinger turns into Number One Stalker.


To my Stage Five Clinger, because I know you read the blog:

A piece of honest advice – and please don’t take offense – you’ve got a lot to offer; you shouldn’t give it out so easily.  Playing hard to get is a necessary evil.  Flattery will get you everywhere, but too much of it will get you a restraining order.  The line between not enough and too much isn’t exactly a fine one.  There’s plenty of room for variance; in the future, just reduce your standard deviation.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Rolling With The Punches

31 Jul

Sometimes things just don’t turn out as you planned.   People flake, events get canceled, plans change.  How you deal with the unexpected is the fun part.

Last night, I went to a comedy show that a friend of mine runs here in San Diego, (you can check him out at http://malhall.com.)  I had organized a group of about six people, including myself, to meet at the show.  A girlfriend of mine picked me up and as were driving to the show, I got a text from one of my friends saying that she couldn’t make the show, but she’d meet up for a drink afterward.  Slight change, but it didn’t really affect my plans.  As we were parking the car, I got a call from my friend saying that his group of three couldn’t make it to the show either, but to let them know where to meet up after the show.  Okay, no big deal…a few less people, I’d still have Jackie, the friend I drove with, and a great comedy show to boot.

At the entrance of the club, I handed my ID to the bouncer as Jackie rooted around in her purse for hers.   (Ladies, we’ve all been there.  Guys, you’ve seen women do this before…they reach their arm so far deep in their purse, it looks like they’re slowly being eaten by the purse anaconda until they pull their arm out triumphantly, ID in hand, victorious in their hunt.)  We were running a bit late and I was waiting (im)patiently while Jackie played the “where’s my wallet?” game, (much different than the “hide the sausage” game, but the goal is the same – pull it out in time.)  After a few minutes of this, her hand emerged from the purse, defeated, as she realized that she’d forgotten her ID at home…forty miles north of the comedy club.

We decided she’d head home to pick up her ID and she (along with the rest of my crew,) would meet up after the show.

Not being one to let a little snafu ruin my evening, I went into the club and started mingling with some people in the audience.  By the time the show started, I had a few new friends and a drink in hand.  The comedians were hilarious, as per Mal Hall’s usual lineup.  One comic in particular was so funny that I decided I’d have to chat him up after his set.

As I cozied up to the bar to get a refill, (Guinness, if you’re wondering,) I spotted The Comedian and started up some casual conversation.  We not only clicked immediately, but we were cracking each other up for the next twenty minutes.  (He’s a professional comedian, so that can be expected on his part.  As for me…well, I guess I’m just that awesome…and, as clearly illustrated here, overwhelmingly modest.)

During a pause in the conversation, I checked my phone only to find texts from ALL of my friends saying that they weren’t going to make it out, for various reasons.  I laughed out loud, (“LOL” if you only speak text,) and filled The Comedian in on the reason for my outburst.

Now, some might have looked at this night like a bust, with all my friends canceling on me, not only once, but twice, in one evening.  Some people would have called it a night and headed home disappointed.  Me? I looked at it as an opportunity.  Here I was, having a great time with a hilarious (and adorable,) guy, with no obligations for the rest of the night!  So…what did we do?  We went on a date of course.

We had a drink, went to a nearby lounge to grab some dinner, then talked and laughed the night away.  In fact, it was kind of an incredible date, he pointed out several times how much we “clicked” and how fun we were together.  As we parted ways at the end of the night, he asked my favorite question…

“So, when do I get to see you again?”

We made plans for next week and I JUST might have gotten an invitation to be his date for an upcoming guest spot on one of my favorite late night talk shows!

I’m sharing this story not just to toot my own horn, (though, come on….toot toot,) but because I think there’s an underlying lesson here.  Instead of letting a change in plans get you down or keep you from enjoying yourself, roll with the punches.  Life is a lot more fun that way.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

Priorities

3 Jun

Every once in awhile, it’s important to do a little cleansing.  Cleaning out your closet, clearing out your email inbox, deleting old numbers from your cell phone, it all has to be done every so often.  Inevitably, this applies to dating as well.

Since there are only so many hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month, and so on, once your schedule starts getting a little too hectic, it’s time to start phasing people out. Now, some people fall through the cracks or phase themselves out, which is all part of a sort of “natural selection,” process.  Others need a bit of coaxing or maybe even a gentle push (…or even  a swift kick in the ass,) to get fully expelled from the dating cycle.

I met a guy a few months ago at a karaoke bar, and have been seeing him intermittently since then.  (He was blown away by my rendition of Spice Girls, “Wannabe.'”)  We’ve been on several dates, have a pretty good time together, and always have a fun back-and-forth during our conversations.  He’s fun, I’m fun, we have fun together, you get the idea.

The last few times he’s asked me out, I just haven’t had time to get together.  Whether it was because of another date, spending time with friends, or some other social commitment, our schedules just didn’t match up.  Though I felt bad about not making more of an effort to squeeze him in, something dawned upon me.

You make time for the things that are important to you. For example, I have an “inner circle” of friends, who I am never too busy for.  Sure, I might not see or talk to them every single day, but I make a point to spend time with them nearly very time I have the opportunity, and would do about anything to be there for the important stuff (i.e. a themed pub crawl…obviously a priority.)

When someone says, “I just don’t have time…” what it really means is, I don’t care enough to make time.  Think about it – we spend our time doing the things that are highest on our list of priorities, whether or not we realize it.  On a weekly basis, do you take time to go to the gym or work out, have a drink with friends, or take your dog for a walk?  If it’s important to you, you do.

You don’t hear people going around saying, ‘I didn’t eat or sleep this week, I just didn’t have time.”  These things are priorities, so we make sure to do them everyday.  (Sidebar: If you do hear people saying that, by the way, you might want to ask about their “recreational practices,” and think about scheduling a intervention…)

After pondering this for awhile, I realized that if I hadn’t made time for this guy in the last two weeks, I must not really care that much about him.  (I spend more time prospecting for new dates than trying to find time to see him.)  Hence, the phase out.

Based on how I spend my time, I found that this list is a good representation of my priorities:

1.) Working (8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and answering emails on the weekend? It may not be glamorous, but it’s where I spend the biggest portion of time.)

2.) Friends (Talking to them, lunch-ing with them, going out with them, etc.)

3.) Working out (Biking, hiking, doing ridiculous Step Aerobics with my flamboyant instructor Paco, etc)

4.) Technology (Facebook, Twitter, Texting, WordPress Blog, Email, etc…I’m addicted and not afraid to admit it.)

5.) Dating (Yea…I don’t think I need to expand on this one…though I should note that lately I’ve been seeing a lot more of one person than the others – but more on that later.)

This does pose a good question though – and it’s not “how am I going to phase this guy out?” I’ll take care of that with a simple “Peace and Good Luck” text (please see last Friday’s blog…)

Take a good look at where you spend your time, and ask yourself, based on where and how you spend your time, what are you YOUR priorities?

You Get What You Give

11 May

Something happened this weekend that made me realize that it’s very easy to analyze and critique all the men that I date via a public forum, but not so easy to put myself on blast.  So today, I’m going to do just that.

I had plans with The Mad Scientist this weekend, but hadn’t hammered out the details yet; I’d only requested that we do something out of the norm – no standard dinner/drinks.  I get an email Friday evening asking if karaoke with friends was cool – and I thought it was an awesome idea.  Generally, I like one-on-one dates, but 1.) I LOVE karaoke, and 2.) I like outside-the-box thinking.  I said we should get dinner beforehand, and everything was all set.

Later, a friend asked if she could join us for dinner, and I realized that I wasn’t sure if the “group thing” was happening for sushi as well…so I asked.  His reply was, “the more the merrier.”  Okay.  Well…again, I appreciate the sentiment, but I was starting to wonder if something had been misconstrued.  I wasn’t sure if this was a date…or hanging out with friends…or some combination of the two.

In the spirit of open communication, I told him that it was cool to invite friends to dinner…but was confused as to whether or not this was a “date.”   He told me that he was unconventional and didn’t see why it wasn’t a date, even if we were with a group of friends.  (Touche.)

THEN came the twist.  …and I quote, “But don’t be offended if I hook up with another girl.”

Um…what?

I was taken aback at first, but realized that we are both quite single, so maybe I shouldn’t scoff.  I proceeded to tell him that I’d rather just not consider it a “date,” then.  In my dating experience (and I think we all know that I have plenty of it,) if you show up with someone, you leave with them.

I then proceeded to tell him that I thought of myself as “the best thing since sliced bread,” and couldn’t fathom him thinking any differently.  To which he replied, “you are definitely HOT! and confident.” (Dually noted.) He went on to explain that he lives to explore and experience, and that (basically,) he wasn’t limiting himself.

(Did you hear that sound?  That’s the sound of my ego getting bruised.)

Look, if you’re a woman, and you’re reading this, I know what you’re thinking.  Rude, right?  Why wouldn’t I tell him off and skip the outing altogether?  Well, women, here’s why: I kind of asked for it.  I mean…do I not do the EXACT same thing with the guys I date?  (Please see Friday’s blog  “A Means To An End.”) I date rampantly – exploring and experiencing new people on an almost daily basis. (Sidebar: By no means does this infer that I’m ‘whoring it up,’ by the way.  Dates do not necessarily equate to anything sexual.)

So, why then, if I feel and act exactly the same way he does, is this damaging to my pride?  I’ll tell you why.  I’m selfish.  Plain and simple.  I want (and am accustomed to,) men to be all about me, and devote 100% of their attention to me, even though I might not (and usually don’t,) feel the same way.  And yes, I realize how bad that sounds…but if we’re honest with ourselves, we ALL feel that way to a degree. (i.e. getting unnerved at the sight of an ex with another person, even if you broke up with them.)  I’m just willing to openly admit my hypocrisy.

So today, I’m not angry, or frustrated, or even bitter.  In fact, I feel a bit enlightened…albeit with a slightly bruised ego.