Match Message Madness

26 Jun

As you know from previous blogs, I really do love the concept of online dating – being able to screen and sort people before you decide to go out with them is a huge bonus.  Due to this screening process,  I can avoid having to meet people who I know I’m not into.  Of those men, there are always a few that absolutely blow me away.  Without further ado, I want to share a few of the lamest messages I’ve received on match.com recently.

1.) Subject Line: None

Body: “hey sweety how you doin?”

Now…I’m using quotations for a reason.  This is actually copied and pasted directly from his message.  No capitalization, no ‘g’ on the ‘doing.’  I don’t know if this guy thinks he’s Joey Tribbiani from Friends, but “how you doin'” just doesn’t go over so well via email.

ALSO, (and men, if you are reading this, please pay attention,) do not call me “sweety.”  Honestly.  You don’t know me – how do you know I’m sweet?  I’m actually pretty rude.  Moreover, are you my boyfriend?  Is it our 6-month anniversary?  Are we going to Prom?  Did you get me a corsage?  …No need for the pet names, thank you.

2.) Subject Line: “don’t worry not hitting on you”

Body: “just complimenting the run dmc shirt”  (Sidebar: in one of my pics, I’m wearing a Run DMC shirt – it’s hot.)

Again, no capitalization or punctuation.  Do people not understand the idea behind a “first impression?”

More importantly…why are you not hitting on me?  Obviously you like my style, so are you saying that my profile sucks?  Or is it just that you’re not attracted to me?  Or, are you actually hitting on me, but trying to do it on the sly?  On a positive note, if you’re trying to confuse me, you’ve succeeded.  Maybe I will write back and say, “Thank God you weren’t hitting on me.  That would be so awkward.”

3.) Subject Line: Well then…

Body: How about you give me your number so I can text you instead of call ya? Anyway, what makes you Middle-Eastern? Anyway, I don’t want your number but give me your email address.  (Sidebar: in my profile, I mention that texting vs calling is cop out, and under “ethnicity,” I‘ve chosen Middle-Eastern.)

Anyway, I don’t even know where to start on this one.  Anyway, he certainly likes the word anyway.

Ok, good into – I mean, he’s poking fun at my texting comment, which shows he actually read my profile.  That sentence aside, there’s just not any kind of logical flow to the message.  To be honest, I’m not really sure what “what makes you Middle-Eastern” means.  Also, it does seem slightly rude for him to say that he doesn’t even want my number…but then gets quite demanding about the email address.  Either way, I think I’ll write back with just one line:  “www.thesaurus.com.”

Come on guys…you can do better than this.

Remember: If you’d like to submit a question or funny story for the Mid-Week Meltdown, send an email to myvaginamonoblogs@gmail.com, with your name, age, gender, and a little something about yourself.  I try to answer all questions in a timely manner.

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6 Responses to “Match Message Madness”

  1. Sonya June 26, 2009 at 9:35 am #

    I have one who keeps leaving voicemails saying, “hey good lookin” and “hey hon”. We met and he called the waitress hon at least 10 times, so annoying.

    BTW, love the new look of the page. The sexy, smokey eyes makes a huge impact.

  2. MyVaginaMonoblogs June 26, 2009 at 10:52 am #

    I TOTALLY know “that guy!” Haha. Pet names can be really obnoxious. They almost deserve their own blog entry!

    And thanks for the compliment!! I’ve been toying around with lots of different looks, and this is my fave so far.

  3. SingleInSD June 26, 2009 at 11:10 am #

    How about the fact that none of these guys have good grammar, spelling, or know how to finish a complete sentence?

    If I’m e-mailing a guy and he can’t spell, uses poor grammar and/or can’t complete a sentence, I assume the following:

    a) You are not intelligent
    b) You probably can’t get a good job b/c you’re not intelligent
    c) You are not as smart as me

    (I know – harsh, but true)

    Therefore, I don’t want to date you. ha Seriously, bad communication is an immediate disqualification in my book. 🙂

    • MyVaginaMonoblogs June 26, 2009 at 11:55 am #

      In my match.com profile, I actually say “Do not contact me if you don’t know the difference between ‘there,’ ‘their,’ and ‘they’re.’

  4. Dan Donche June 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm #

    what up girl? anyway, you sound cool we should hang sometime. i don’t mind about middle eastern people there alright in my oppinon. do you got facebook?

    No, but seriously — I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. If I was on Match, I’d be more inclined to send you something worth writing about. I’ll definitely look you up if I’m ever going to be in SD.

  5. SingleInSD June 26, 2009 at 4:22 pm #

    Oh my gosh I thought this guy was serious for a second and I almost died laughing. ha ha ha

    Go for it, girl, he sounds (and looks) cute! 😉

    CJ

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